How Not to Be Cool

     I was recently a guest on the podcast Awe-Inspired and Retired. We talked about all things retirement, from where we're going to live, to what we're going to do, to who we're going to do it with . . . or what we called the "three likes" of retirement.

     (You can now listen to both of the podcasts I've done using the links under "Retirement Podcasts" on the right hand side of the blog.)

     Anyway, toward the end of the conversation, hosts Caleb Miller and Riley Anderson brought up the subject of "tribes." Apparently, some of their previous guests, talking about retirement, suggested that, after we're done working and raising a family, we have to find a new place in life, find what they call a new tribe.

     Okay, that sounds reasonable.

     Or maybe retirees have more than one tribe. Actually, we all probably have different tribes in our lives -- with different people for different reasons. In my own case, I have my golf group, and my senior learning colleagues, and my "old friends" from back home. My wife and I have our couple friends. And we have, basically, two families (hers and mine, since we're both second spouses). 

     And then the hosts asked me, What's the tribe that everyone wants to be a part of? You know, the group where people are saying, "Yeah, I want to be in that tribe. I want to be with these kinds of people."

     The presumption is, maybe we feel left out of some group -- some group we think is cool -- that seems to enjoy a life that's easier, or richer, or somehow better. Maybe it's some special lunch group, or maybe the elders at church, or the crowd at the theater, or the board of the condo association. Or maybe we envy friends who retired to Florida or Arizona, or even abroad, because they are more adventurous than we are. 

     So, they asked me, is there a tribe where you say, "Gee, I wish I could join that group."

     The question made me chuckle. Because my answer is a definite: "No."

     The reason is, when I was a kid, through high school and beyond, all I wanted to do was be cool . . . be in the cool crowd. But in reality, as I've discovered over the years, the last thing you want to do is be cool. You don't want to be part of the tribe that everyone else wants to join. Instead, you want to be in your own tribe. People who you like, who do the weird things that you like to do, who accept you for who you are.

     And you do not want to be envious of some other cool people who may be richer than you, or more intellectual, or more artsy, or more sporty or more adventurous -- whether they're in town, or in church, or at the senior center, or living somewhere else. You just don't want to get into that.

     I am very anti-cool. And if you don't believe me, just ask my kids.

Last Lines

     We've all read about the last words of some famous people. For example, drummer Buddy Rich died after surgery in 1987.  As he was being prepped for the operation a nurse asked him, "Is there anything you can't take?" And he responded, "Yeah, country music."

     Or the composer Gustav Mahler who died in bed. He reportedly was conducting an imaginary orchestra. His last word was: "Mozart!"

     Basketball great "Pistol" Pete Maravich collapsed during a pickup basketball game. His last words were: "I feel fine."

     John Wayne who died in L.A. at age 72 turned to his wife and said, "Of course I know who you are. You're my girl. I love you."

     Joe DiMaggio reportedly said, "I finally get to see Marilyn."

     Then there's my favorite, from Steve Jobs. According to his sister Mona, the Apple founder's last words were, "Oh wow. Oh wow. Oh wow!"

     But famous endings go beyond last words. My favorite ending to a TV show is from The Sopranos, when the screen just goes black.

     You probably remember Mary Tyler Moore who was laid off along with her TV family, saying goodbye, then turning out the lights in the studio and walking away.

     Or Ted Danson, aka Sam Malone, turning away a customer at Cheers and saying, "Sorry, we're closed."

     My favorite last line from the movies is from the coming-of-age drama Stand By Me. The story is told as a flashback, and at the end Richard Dreyfuss, now an adult, sits at his desk and slowly types: "I never had any friends later on like the ones I had when I was 12. Jesus, does anyone?"

     There are a lot of other famous last lines, like Humphrey Bogart in Casablanca, at the airport telling Louis, "I think this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship."

     Or the classics. Judy Garland in The Wizard of Oz says, "There's no place like home."

     From King Kong: "Oh no. It wasn't the airplanes. It was beauty killed the beast."

     Scarlett O'Hara in both the movie and the book Gone with the Wind says, "After all, tomorrow is another day."

     Another famous last line of a novel comes from the unforgettable Catcher in the Rye when Holden Caulfield says, "Don't ever tell anybody anything. If you do, you start missing everybody."

     Or how about this one from The Corrections by Jonathan Franzen: "She was seventy five and she was going to make some changes in her life."

     But my favorite last line in a novel is from The Great Gatsby, which I read again last winter. F. Scott Fitzgerald concludes: "So we beat on, boats against the current, borne back ceaselessly into the past."

What I'm Learning These Days

     They say that we older people need to keep our minds active, keep learning things. We're supposed to learn a foreign language, or do crossword puzzles, or practice the piano.

     I've always resisted learning things just because I'm "supposed" to; hence, my less-than-stellar career in algebra and my brief fling with calculus. (I learned enough to pass the final; then immediately forgot it all.)

     Something has to interest me. Otherwise I lose motivation, and my attention drifts off. I admit, this happened to me with photography. I got a camera, purchased photoshop, attended a class. But it seemed that everyone had already taken so many photos, why would the world need any more from me? Besides, I couldn't appreciate the difference between a really special photo and one that was ho-hum. So now I just take pictures of my family.

     One thing I have learned recently is how to play pickleball. Honestly, it's a pretty easy game to pick up. It might be hard to get really good. But I don't aspire to that. I just want to have fun with a group of people at my local pickleball club.

     The same could be said of my golf game . . . except I'm not learning anything new. I've played golf, off and on, for many years, and my ambition now is simply to have fun and not get any worse.

     

     I've also learned about foreign policy in the past few years, because my wife and I have been doing a program called "Great Decisions in Foreign Policy" from the Foreign Policy Association. We just finished this year's eight-week program that covered China, Latin America, Iran, Global Famine and other topics.

     Sometimes I think I'm learning enough medical information to become a doctor. Ten years ago I knew nothing about medicine. Now I've been to the heart doctor and have been schooled about drugs like Metoprolol. I've spent hours discussing Cortisone, Prednisone, knee surgery, hip surgery and other orthopedic issues with doctors, nurses, physician assistants, friends and family.

     My guess is, by now you know a thing or two about medicine as well. Or are you learning something entirely different?

     I'm now learning about the history of the 1960s. I've agreed to do a program for our senior learning center on the subject. It's interesting to me because I lived through the era, but I was in junior high and high school and going into college at the time, and I was only interested in my own little world, not the wider world.

     I had no interest then in what was going on in Selma, Alabama, or Jackson, Mississippi. Of course I'd heard of Cuba. And I read about Watts. And the specter of Vietnam hung over all of us. But my mind was focused on whether Kathy liked Bobby better than she liked me (it turned out, she did), and whether I'd make the baseball team (I did, but mostly as a benchwarmer), and how I'd do on my SATs (good enough to get into my second-choice college, but not my first).

     But now I find the world we grew up in holds a lot of interest to me. What was going on behind the scenes in the Kennedy White House? What was going on in Lyndon Johnson's mind as he wrestled with the problem of Vietnam? How did the Civil Rights movement achieve so much, only to self-destruct in hate and violence?

     Besides all that, some of my friends are trying to get me interested in ChatGPT. I'm resisting, however, since I like my relationships to be human, and I already have a love/hate relationship with our google assistant.

     Finally, I know I still have a few things to learn about marriage, and children. But those are topics for another post. Right now I've got enough to keep my mind awake and alert. 

How Old Do You Feel?

      Research has shown that subjective age -- how old we feel -- and not our actual age is a better predictor of our overall health, memory, physical strength and longevity. So instead of asking someone how old they are, you should ask: How old do you feel?

     Cues about age can influence how old we feel. So one way to feel younger is to socialize with people who are younger. An older person married to a younger person may have a younger subjective age -- they feel younger, act younger. Spouses who are significantly younger actually tend to live shorter lives, older spouses live longer lives.

     Women who have children later in life are often surrounded by younger age-related cues in the form of younger mothers. The relatively older mothers have a longer life expectancy than women who bear children earlier in life.

     Women feel younger after having their hair colored and show a healthy decrease in blood pressure. Bald men see an older self in the mirror which may speed up the aging process. There is some evidence that bald men have higher risk of prostate cancer and coronary heart disease. So cosmetic changes -- coloring our hair, wearing a toupee -- could actually have some health-related benefits.

     As a corollary, when asked what age they would like to be, most people say 10 years younger than they actually are, according to a study from the Stanford Center on Longevity. So 70-year-olds say they want to be 60, and 60-year-olds say they'd like to be 50. Nobody says they want to be 20 again -- maybe because they remember they had a lot of uncertainty about their lives at age 20, and they don't want to relive all that anxiety again.

     What age would you like to be . . . you know, if you had a magic genie to grant you a wish? Me? I'd want to be 50 again. Which is 20 years younger than my actual age . . . but 10 years younger than how I feel.

     How do I know all this? I picked up a book called Better with Age: The Psychology of Successful Aging by Alan Castel. He offers plenty of good advice and interesting insights, some familiar, some new, at least to me.

     Castel refers to an old study from the 1980s that concluded there are three main factors to successful aging. 1) Being free of disability or disease; 2) having high cognitive and physical abilities; and 3) interacting with others in meaningful ways.

     He doesn't argue with this definition. But another definition of successful aging may involve the simple fact of reaching old age . . . because a lot of people, sometimes very successful people, don't get there, due to bad habits, bad luck, bad genes. So I guess those of us who have made it to 70 can congratulate ourselves. By one measure anyway, we are successful agers!

     Research has found that older adults do lose their ability to remember things. We cannot remember random numbers as easily as younger people. However, older adults are better at focusing on crucial information, and we do better remembering the important things. He quotes Cicero who said, "I've never heard of an old man who forgot where he buried his treasure."

     Castel does not believe in eating any specific foods to improve our health. Chocolate, blueberries, red wine, have all been promoted as miracle foods. The problem is, in order to gain any benefits, you'd have to eat or drink so much that the negative effects would far outweigh any benefits. He just recommends a standard healthy diet with lots of fruits and vegetables, not too much fat or sugar or salt.

     Physical exercise is also an important factor in staying healthy and living a long life . . . and to ward off dementia. But you don't have to do anything extraordinary. Castel says walking is the perfect exercise for older people. 

     In terms of keeping our minds sharp, it's not so much what we do as learning something new. If you've been doing crossword puzzles all your life, doing more crossword puzzles will not improve your mental facility. The secret is to learn something new -- how to paint, how to play the piano, how to speak a foreign language. On the other hand, if you already play the piano, but don't do crossword puzzles, then starting to do crossword puzzles could be helpful.

     The exception is reading. Reading keeps our minds sharp, regardless of how much we've been reading before. And curiously, even though reading is a solitary activity, somehow it also improves our social skills. And we all know that having an active social life helps us stay healthy and alert. So maybe joining a book club is the answer.

State of the Country

      Possibly you've seen reports about a Wall Street Journal/University of Chicago poll that recently took the pulse of American sentiment.

     To me the amusing -- and somehow sad -- thing about it is that the conservative press (like the New York Post) screeches that the poll is proof Americans have fallen for the "woke" agenda. They have become soft and spoiled, interested only in money and pursuing their own pleasures. They are not as patriotic, not as religious, and not as family oriented as they used to be. Young people aren't even interested in having kids anymore! In other words, America is in deep trouble.

     Meanwhile, the liberal press sees the same poll and massages the numbers to prove that Americans are becoming more progressive, more tolerant, more open to new ideas, more cognizant of our impact on the environment, and more focused on peaceful resolutions to our problems in the world. In short, we're becoming more enlightened.

     Of course, they could both be right, couldn't they?

     I went to the original poll, which I found in a link from a Wall Street Journal article. Here are a few of the results that stood out in my mind.

     The economy -- 80% say it's bad. 20% say it's good.

     Yet 62% say they are satisfied with their own personal financial situation. Go figure.

     Will life for our children's generation be better or worse than it has been for us? 78% say it won't be. Only 21% feel confident that it will be.

     Yet 71% say the U.S. is the best, or one of the best, countries in the world.

     And 68% say they're happy. 27% say they're not.

     How essential, or important, are these qualities in defining your identity? Here they are in order of importance:

1.      Gender: 77%
2.      Occupation:  73%
3.      Family heritage:  67%
4.      Religion:  63%
5.      Race:  62%
6.      Political affiliation:  53%

     So it seems, despite the ranting of the left and the raving of the right, race is not as important as some other things in life. And politics is less important still.

     How much confidence do you have in our public schools? 26% say quite a bit. 40% say some. 33% say not much. 

     Four-year college degree. Is it worth it? 42% say yes. 56% say no. In my opinion, that's not a great report card for our schools.

     Do you favor, or not favor, people using "gender neutral" pronouns like she/her?  20% favorable. 45% not favorable. 35% don't care.

     Do you consider yourself liberal, moderate or conservative:  Liberal 23%. Moderate: 47%. Conservative: 28%. Really? So much for the theory that our country is caught in a stark partisan divide.

     There's more in the poll. If you want to dig deeper and do your own analysis, here is a link to the original site.

     Like the conservatives, or the liberals or the moderates, you'll probably find just what you want to find in the poll. That seems to be how the human mind works. What do they call it? Confirmation bias?

     But even assuming you see what you want to see -- and disregard the rest -- just maybe you'll recognize that other people can have a different point of view, and just because they do doesn't make them stupid or hateful, or know-it-all self-important elites. You, uh, do agree with me, right?

     

How Has America Changed?

      I was born when Harry Truman was president. I don't remember him. But I do remember Ike and Elvis, and Ann Landers and and Billy Graham, and Bob Hope and Jimmy Stewart.

     A lot has changed since those days of the 1950s and '60s. A lot has stayed the same.

     For example, toilet paper today is no different from the toilet paper I grew up with. The house I live in is no different, either. My house was built in 1965, and despite some renovations through its various owners, it remains pretty much the same. My wife and I did redo the kitchen after we moved in. But we still have a refrigerator, a stove, a dishwasher and kitchen sink that aren't much different from what was here in 1965.

     Of course, some things are very different. My phone, for example. My computer, which I have instead of . . . well, I still remember the Smith Corona electric typewriter I got when I was a junior in college. We used to get a daily newspaper delivered to our door. Now we get our news on cable or social media. The news is faster. But is it any better?

     Over Thanksgiving dinner my brother-in-law and his brothers started reminiscing about slide rules. Do you remember them? Haven't seen one of those in about 40 years.

     Other things are the same but different at the same time. For example, my car. It basically works the same way that our family Buick worked back in the 1960s. Except our car now has seatbelts and airbags and automatic headlights and a rear-view camera. It's also Japanese, not American. Our next car might be a hybrid, or fully electric.

     I wonder how much people have changed. When I was growing up people respected their elders and had a good old-fashioned Puritan work ethic. Now people are quiet-quitting, taking time off for paternity leave, retiring early.

     But maybe I'm just misremembering that old-fashioned work ethic. You know . . .  how we walked to school waist-deep in snow, uphill, both ways?

     Nevertheless, we did go to church on Sundays, we said the Pledge of Allegiance in school, and we had dinner as a family every night. And you could go all day without hearing a swear word. Today, perfectly respectable publications use the F-word, and you can hear it on TV as well -- not to mention the near ubiquitous use of lesser curse words that involve bodily functions and familial relationships. But one good thing. We do not hear the racial and religious epithets that were so casually thrown around when we were kids.

     However, we do have more school shootings. Does that mean we have more guns, or more mental health problems? I don't know. But one thing that's about the same now as in the 1960s -- the murder rate. It averaged about 5 murders per 100,000 people in the 1960s. After going up in the 1970s and '80s, the rate is now back down to about 5 again. Would that be considered progress? Something else that hasn't changed: In the 1960s there was no constitutional right to an abortion. Laws were left to the states. Today, again, we're in the same situation.

     We live longer than our parents and grandparents. Because we've given up smoking? But we're also more obese. Chalk up our longevity to advances in our much-maligned health care system. 

     We've certainly made advances in civil rights since the 1960s, for women, gays, people of color, people with disabilities. When James Meredith went to enroll in the University of Mississippi in 1962, only about 3% of  African Americans went to college. Today it's 50%. Back in the early 1960s about 10% of women went to college compared to 20% for men. Today, more young women than men go to college -- 70% of women and 62% of men. 

     We now have many more material goods than our families did when we were kids. The 1965 house we currently live in has a one-car garage. Because people back then owned one car. But today a married couple typically drives two cars. Our neighbors across the street, with two grown children at home, owns four cars.

     When I was growing up we had one TV. B and I still have one TV. But my friend Peter has four TVs, all of which get Netflix and various other streaming services. I'd venture to say that we all have more clothes, more books, more recreational equipment, more food, more kitchen gadgets, more knickknacks. (And also more debt?) We travel more than our parents and grandparents ever did. But here's the thing: Are we any happier?

Top of the Heap

     I consider myself a reader. I wasn't always that way. I remember as a kid, my dad and my teachers tried to get me to read books all the time. I read what I had to in middle and high school. But truthfully, I'd always rather be outside playing with friends.

     I became a reader in college -- after all, I majored in English literature. But I think what turned the corner for me was being able to read outside. I remember those bracing fall days and soft spring afternoons, sitting on the stoop of a college building, reading through Hardy and Hemingway, Wordsworth and Yeats, as well as non-fiction writers like Thomas Carlyle and John Stuart Mill.

     I've been reading a lot ever since, but never more than now. 

     Before Covid, I used to say I read a book a week. But I really didn't. I keep a log. Before 2020, I would top out between 45 and 50 a year. But when I was stuck at home with the pandemic, my count went up to about 60 a year. Now that Covid is largely over -- or ignored -- I am getting out more, but still somehow reading more books. Right now I'm on my 63rd book of the year.

     But of course, the other side of the equation is that I'm always looking for good books to read. So if you have any suggestions . . . 

     Meanwhile, I thought I would be in a position to recommend some books. So here are my Top Ten of the year (with publication dates so you know how old they are). Disclosure: I tend to read mysteries and histories. My wife reads a lot of memoirs, self-help books and pop psychology. So if you want that, you'll have to ask her.

     Here's my countdown:

     10. The Order by Daniel Silva (2020). Archbishop Luigi Donati is summoned to the Vatican. The pope has been found dead. Donati calls friend Gabriel Allon (longtime Silva character), a top Israeli spy vacationing in Venice. They suspect the pope has been murdered by a secret right-wing group, the Order of St. Helena, so it could take over the Catholic church. Several people are killed before Donati confronts the papal conclave, just in time and with remarkable results. It's a thriller alright, but pretty far-fetched.

     9. The Woman in the Library by Sulari Genrill (2022). Australian writer offers a clever mystery focusing on four young Bostonians -- Freddie, Cain, Whit and Marigold -- who become fast friends when they hear a woman scream in the library. The woman is found dead. A homeless man -- friend of Cain's -- is knifed to death. Whit gets stabbed. His mother is attacked. Who's the culprit? Is it Cain the ex-con? Too obvious. One of the other three? Or Freddie's neighbor who writes creepy letters? Some might find the novel manipulative, but it's still a great read. 

     8. In the Morning I'll Be Gone by Adrian McGinty (2019). Irish detective Sean Duffy is a Catholic working for the RUC of Northern Ireland in the early 1980s. Duffy is trying to track down IRA terrorist Dermot McCann who's planning a major strike. But no one will talk ... until Duffy finds Mary Fitzpatrick, Dermot's mother-in-law, who will turn him in if Duffy solves the murder of her daughter. It's a clever plot that ultimately leads to a shootout in front of Margaret Thatcher's hotel. The story is well-crafted, and Duffy a sympathetic and believable detective.

     7. The Maid by Nita Prose (2022). A mystery narrated by simple hotel maid Molly Gray, who is presumably "on the spectrum." She finds the body of wealthy businessman, Mr. Black, in his hotel room. But what else did she see? And can you believe it? It's clever, to be sure, but sometimes reads like a fairy tale.

     6. Prague Fatale by Philip Kerr (2011). Book No 8 of 14 in the excellent Bernie Gunther series, loosely based on the real-life assassination of Reinhold Heydrich in May 1942. Heydrich summons Gunther to Prague to flush out a possible assassin. When Heydrich's adjutant Albert Kuttner is found dead in a locked room, Gunther has to solve the case ... or else. Complications arise as Gunther unmasks the murderer and the real point of the investigation is revealed. Nobody does it like the cynical but honest-to-a-fault Bernie Gunther, and nobody writes like Philip Kerr who left us too early in 2018 at age 62.

     5. Marco Polo: The Journey that Changed the World by John Man (2014). Retells and analyzes the famous late-1200s trip to China made by Marco Polo, along with father Niccolo and uncle Maffeo. The trio spent over 20 years trekking across Asia, and at the behest of Kublai Khan (grandson of Genghis Khan) traveled extensively around China. After Marco returned to Venice he was captured in a sea battle against Genoa, and while in prison he dictated his adventures to a friend. He tells some fantastic tales, and according to Man some of them are actually true. Fascinating book opens your eyes to Asian geography and history.

     4. A Short History of Reconstruction by Eric Foner (2015) An updated and shortened (350 pgs. instead of 650 pgs.) version of his original book chronicles the path of reconstruction from 1863 - 1877. There was some progress, he concludes, in the development of black citizenship and changes in worker relationships, but ultimately Reconstruction was a failure because of resistance from the Democrats, factionalism among Republicans, weak cotton markets, the depression of the 1870s, and KKK violence. The book, honestly, is not an easy-to-read narrative like we get from Erik Larson or Candace Millard. It's more analytic and legalistic. Still, a must-read for anyone with even a passing interest in the era.

     3. The Lioness by Chris Bohjalian (2022). I'm a Chris Bohjalian fan, so I love his novels. In this latest book it's 1964 and movie star Katie Batstow is leading a group of Hollywood types on a photo safari in the Serengeti. They're ambushed by a gang of Russian mercenaries and held captive. There are fistfights, gunfights, animals attacks. Several people die. It's all told through the different characters, which I found a little awkward, but it's still a rip-roaring tale of intrigue and adventure.

     2. River of the Gods by Candace Millard (2022). One of my favorite history writers takes on the search for the Nile. She does a good job, especially in giving us a taste of the age of exploration in the 19th century. But the material lets her down a little as our hero, rebellious Englishman Richard Burton, is upstaged by second-in-command John Speke who stole the glory by reaching Nyanza, aka Lake Victoria, and connecting to the Nile. Only in the epilogue does Millard tell us what we've wondered all along: a British explorer in 2006 traced the actual source to Nyanza's largest feeder the Kagera River, now considered the most remote headwater of the Nile.

     1. Powers and Thrones by Dan Jones (2021) If you think you live in a brutal world now, take a look at the Middle Ages, from the fall of Rome in the 400s to the Black Death of the 1300s, and beyond to the conquering of the new worlds in the 1500s. This is a very readable, accessible account of a thousand years of history (as opposed to some of his other books which focus in great detail on specific eras). I'd recommend to all amateur historians.

                                        Honorable Mentions:

     Too many to ... uh, mention. There's Crossroads, Jonathan Franzen's latest novel from 2021. Vermeer's Hat by Timothy Brook, an interesting look at 17th century history. The Men Who United the States by one of my favorite history writers Simon Winchester. Bewilderment a 2021 "sciencey" novel by Richard Powers, The Current, an interesting Midwestern mystery by Tim Johnston, The Thin Light of Freedom by historian Edward L. Ayers about the end of the Civil War.

     One more thing. I asked for Michael Connelly's new book Desert Star for Christmas. That'll surely be on my best-of list for 2023!

Words of Wisdom

     I don't know about you, but I sometimes wonder what getting old is all about. The whole notion seems strange to me. Why do I find myself taking a nap in the afternoon? Those little bumps and bruises that show up on my body -- where do they come from? Why don't people speak a little louder . . . and maybe talk a little more slowly? And most of all: who is that stranger staring back at me from the mirror?

     When I'm confused about life, or questioning what's happening to the world, I usually go back to the writers and philosophers who guided me earlier in life. So here are a few quotes about aging from people smarter than I am. Some of them are funny, some inspirational, some comforting. And . . . maybe you have a favorite quote of your own?

     "The older we get the fewer things seem worth waiting in line for."  -- Will Rogers 

     "To get back to my youth I would do anything in the world except exercise, get up early, or be respectable."  -- Oscar Wilde

     "Old age is like a plane flying through a storm. Once you are aboard there is nothing you can do about it."  -- Golda Meir

     "The older I get, the more clearly I remember things that never happened."  -- Mark Twain

     "Always be nice to your children, because they are the ones who will choose your retirement home."  -- Phyllis Diller

     "Getting old is like climbing a mountain. You get a little out of breath, but the view is much better!"  -- Ingrid Bergman

     "You can live to be a hundred, if you give up all things that make you want to live to be a hundred."  -- Woody Allen

   "It's paradoxical that the idea of living a long life appeals to everyone, but the idea of getting old doesn't appeal to anyone."  -- Andy Rooney

     "The older I get, the better I used to be."  -- Lee Travino

     "I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a lot more as they get older, and then it dawned on me -- they're cramming for their final exam."  -- George Carlin

     "I don't feel old. I don't feel anything until noon. Then it's time for my nap."  -- Bob Hope

     "I have reached an age when, if someone tells me to wear socks, I don't have to."  --  Albert Einstein

     "When your friends begin to flatter you on how young you look, it's a sure sign you're getting old."  -- Mark Twain

     "The idea is to die young as late as possible."  -- Ashley Montagu

     "You don't stop laughing when you grow old, you grow old when you stop laughing." -- George Bernard Shaw

Keeping Up with the ... Kardashians?

      We used to keep up with the Joneses. Oh, we said we didn't. But when we saw a new Mustang in our neighbor's driveway, we started thinking, maybe we could get one too. Or our friends were talking about their trip to Europe, and suddenly we wondered if we owed it to ourselves to make the trip. After all, it wasn't just a vacation, it was a learning experience!

     But nobody keeps up with the Joneses anymore. Now there's Facebook, Instagram, Tik Tok and all the other social media. So today people keep up with the Kardashians.

     The result is just the same, or worse. We go into debt, we don't appreciate our purchases, we feel guilty . . . we feel worse for the experience. Or, if we can't afford to do what they're doing, we're jealous, or we resent it.

     Come on. Be honest. Haven't you ever seen a friend's post on Facebook or Instagram and they're sipping a drink on some tropical beach with a fancy hotel in the background? And you thought to yourself: Gee, if she can spend a week in Belize, why can't I?

Good times

     If that's not true, then why do we scroll through social media and see so many of our friends on vacation basking on the beach or sipping exotic cocktails? Why do we see so many people riding on the lake in their new boat? Or there's a picture of their new deck and backyard. Or they're going to a concert, attending a football game, riding their new electric bike.

     There's even a name for it:  revenge tourism, or revenge spending. The term captures the notion that we were deprived by Covid for a year or two, so dammit, we're going to make up for lost time right now, no matter the cost, no matter how it stretches our credit card bill or depletes our IRA account. Who knows what crisis lies beyond the next bend? We'd better grab our experience now while we can. As the saying goes, you only live once . . . or YOLO.

     Everything's gotten more expensive. But we're willing to do it anyway. And we seniors have yet another excuse. We're not getting any younger. Maybe we won't be healthy enough to travel in a few years. So we better do it -- and do it now!

     As for me, I drove through town the other day and noticed that every restaurant was full, people sitting at outdoor tables under the umbrellas. People were waiting for tables, spilling out onto the sidewalk. They all looked like they were having so much fun. I wanted to go out to dinner too!

     So perhaps we're not keeping up with the Joneses, or even the Kardashians. We're keeping up with our friends and acquaintances and people we hardly know.

     Meanwhile, my brother-in-law just posted on Facebook a photo of himself in Paris. A friend posted a picture of her new patio furniture on Instagram. Are they posting because they want me to share their enjoyment of that experience . . . or because they want me to be impressed? As much as I try to resist it, I'm feeling the fear of missing out, or FOMO. It looks to me like I'm sitting at home in front of my computer while they're active and alive and enjoying life to the fullest.

     Social media provides us with a lot of free entertainment. But I wonder if in the end it's costing us a lot.

True or Not True?

     My brother-in-law was over for dinner the other night, and we for some reason got talking about the differences between men and women. He told us he had read that when women get together they talk about relationships and emotions. When men get together they talk about facts.

     I'm not here to argue the difference between men and women. I just had to laugh when he said that men talk about facts. Because a lot of the "facts" we talk about are not really facts -- they're rumors, misremembered information, statements made by biased sources, or downright myths or old-wives' tales.

     Facts that aren't facts?

     The price of gasoline is way higher than it's ever been. Regular recently crested $5 a gallon in my town. Prices have come back a little, to about $4.59. Still, that's ridiculous! Well, actually, not. According to the New York Times, adjusted for inflation, the price of gasoline is just a few cents higher than it was for most of 2011 through 2014. And gas in the U. S. is considerably cheaper than it is in Canada (about $8 per gallon) or Europe ($6 - 7 per gallon). Arguably, if we're really going to transition to cleaner fuels, the price of petroleum products should be higher, even higher than they are now.

     The political left and political right live in different worlds. They will never agree on anything! Not really true, either. Remember, both Bernie Sanders and Donald Trump were against the TPP (Trans Pacific Partnership). Presumably Joe Biden is, too, since he's done nothing to resurrect the TPP.  More recently, look who voted against Biden's Infrastructure Investment and Jobs Act. Far-right Republicans Ralph Norman (SC), Matt Gaetz (FL) and Vicky Hartzler (M0). And so did far-left Democrats Jamaal Bowman and Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez of New York and other members of "The Squad."

     Vaccines cause autism. The only research indicating that vaccines cause autism has been shown to be fraudulent, relying on data that was manipulated. In short, the results were fudged.

     Alcohol kills brain cells. According to Smithsonian, that only happens among severe alcoholics, and even then the damage is likely caused not by alcohol but lack of nutrition from a poor diet. (This is not a recommendation to drink more alcohol. There are plenty of reasons to drink less alcohol even if it doesn't kill brain cells.)

     Black holes. They're not holes. They're actually hugely dense objects with massive gravitational pull.

     Penguins mate for life. Some penguins stay monogamous throughout a mating season, but not many stay monogamous for their entire lives.

   The earth revolves around the sun. Not quite. The earth revolves around the solar system's center of mass, which oscillates somewhere in or around the sun. When it's outside the mass of the sun, as it sometimes is, the Earth is just orbiting around a point in empty space.

     Columbus discovered America in 1492. No, it was the Vikings around the year 1000. No, it was the East Asians who crossed the land bridge to North America during the Ice Age about 12,000 years ago.

     America has turned anti-immigrant. Today, there are 45 million foreign-born people in the United States, or 15% of the population. By comparison, in 1970, there were 10 million foreign-born people, or slightly less than 5% of the population. During the height of the immigration era in the late 1800s, there were 7 million foreign-born people in the U. S. -- but out of a much small population. So those 7 million comprised 15% of the population ... or about the same as today.

     Most current immigrants are illegal aliens, or undocumented workers. No, according to Pew Research, over three quarters of current immigrants are either lawful permanent residents or naturalized citizens. About 11 million, or 23%, are unauthorized immigrants (representing roughly 3% of the total American population.).

     We only use 10% of our brains. We use every part of our brain, and much of the brain is active most of the time, even when we're asleep. The brain represents about 3% of our body weight, but uses 20% of our energy. So ... we're smarter than we think!

     If you're disputing any of these facts ... well, that just proves my point. Don't trust facts that are casually thrown around -- especially by the men in your life -- until you check them out with a reputable source. Or in other words, let's make sure to use more than 10% of our brain power! 

Sometimes I Think I'm a Liberal ...

     I believe in helping the poor, the weak, the unlucky, the unrepresented. I think immigration is good for America. I believe in equal rights, and I believe we all have a responsibility to others, whether it's paying our fair share of taxes, treating others with kindness and respect, being careful about our impact on the environment. I guess that makes me a liberal.

     So why is it that I find liberals so annoying? Liberal politicians are sanctimonious. Liberal newscasters try to make us feel guilty. Liberal academics look down their noses at us.

     Meanwhile, many liberals -- many of the liberals I know anyway -- preach integration and equal access but live in wealthy, segregated suburbs with exclusionary zoning codes. They rail against a border wall, but live behind walls of their own in gated communities. They preach environmentalism, but drive SUVs and jet around the world visiting ecotourism hot spots before these spots are ruined by the very people who are going there.

     That's why sometimes I think I'm actually not a liberal, but a conservative. After all, I believe in law and order. I'm certainly not in favor of defunding police. But wait . . . if you're a law-and-order conservative, doesn't it make sense to put a lid on all the guns circulating around the country? I don't want the criminals, the mentally ill, and all the impulsive and angry Americans to be so well-armed that they pose a threat to us every time we visit Chicago or Baltimore or set foot on a school campus.

     I also believe in environmentalism and conservation. Conservation. It's right there in the word . . .  conservative! 

     I believe in personal responsibility. People should take care of themselves as best they can, and not be looking for free handouts from the government or anyone else. But that means higher estate taxes, because that's just a free handout from someone else, and higher taxes on investments and unearned income, because -- there again, it's right there in the word unearned. You didn't earn it so why should you be able to keep it all? It should be shared to support the social structures that allow us all to thrive in America -- schools, roads, parks, childcare, a decent social safety net.

     It also means that people should be responsible for their own health and have medical insurance -- rather than palming off their medical bills on hardworking Americans who have insurance through their employment. Therefore we should have a system that everyone can access -- through the government if necessary -- and also be required to join in and pay up . . . or pay up if they can, but if not at least people are not flooding emergency rooms and costing taxpayers billions of extra dollars. In other words, Medicare for all, or some such equivalent. So is Medicare for all conservative, or liberal? I'm not sure I know.

     I also believe in freedom. Freedom of speech, for sure ("cancel culture" is more than annoying, it's dangerous), but more particularly, the freedom to live out our lives the way we want, as long as we're not hurting anyone else. I live in Pennsylvania which is famous for the Amish. They have an unusual lifestyle. But they have the freedom in America to thrive and prosper in the way they see fit. So can, and should, Mormons, Muslims, Blacks, Hispanics, Hasidic Jews, men, women, gays, lesbians, the non-binary . . . and aging white dudes like myself.

     May we all be treated with respect, without harassment or discrimination, and be able to go to any restaurant we want, sit wherever we want, live wherever we want, and know that our children and grandchildren will be able to go to a decent school, breathe clean air, drink potable water, and not be burdened by the mountains of debt, or the ancient prejudices, left behind by their parents.

Sixty -- Some Thoughts

     I read a blog called Going Gently by a man named John Gray. He recently posted a few of his reflections on turning 60. I myself am well past 60 at this point, but his thoughts still resonated with me . . . and I thought they might resonate with you as well. So I asked permission, and he said I could reprint his post for my American friends.

     Honestly, I don't know much about John, except that he lives in Wales with his pets in what seems like a quintessentially English cottage, and he works as a nurse -- often taking night shifts -- at a nearby hospice. He's a good man, a good writer, and a good observer of the human condition. Now, if I only knew what a scotch egg is . . .  

      60 Some Thoughts, from Going Gently

     Sixty

     I know it's such a boring platitude, but I have to say the words always said at these times . . . Where does the time go? I'm writing this at 5 a.m. Albert and I are the only ones awake. Dorothy is gently chewing on my PJ bottoms. She's dreaming she's a puppy.

     Where did the time go?

     I couldn't tell you . . . I really can't.

     So, I have been reflecting . . . like you do. I'm reflecting until Wednesday when it actually hits me albeit gently . . . square in the face. On the 1st. I'm working all day, and we are shorthanded. I won't have time to feel anything.

     Here are just 20 thoughts, thoughts in the night just before dawn.

      1. Working where I do has made me realise that people who "hate getting old" are idiots. You are allowed to hate becoming ill, becoming infirm, becoming depressed. But don't hate getting old. I am lucky reaching 60. I know that, and I am grateful.

      2. Memory is a fickle friend.

      3. Strange as it may seem sex is better now than when I took it for granted. However, it is unfortunately more infrequent.

      4. Certain memories last a lifetime and they will never leave you. I dip into a score as I lay in bed . . . 1968 Janet and I doing Tarzan impersonations out of our bedroom window. 1972 my grandmother smelling of love and cold cream. 1973 my first viewing of The Poseidon Adventure.

     1980 a family party at Ann's house. 1992 getting drunk with Nu in a Galway pub . . . dancing on a Sheffield hospital roof in the dark. 1996 seeing New York City from the air.

     2002 meeting my first dog Finlay . . . true love. 2015 getting married. 2016 watching the corps de ballet in Giselle at the Royal Opera House.

     Happiness . . . a flash of realising I was happy, truly happy.

      5. Being a nurse . . . and seeing people at their very best often when they were experiencing their very worst.

      6. Now realising that when someone starts a conversation with, "I'm not being . . ." they always are.

      7. Actions always speak louder than words.

      8. I miss not being a dad, but I can now be a cool sort of uncle and grandadish. A couple of weeks ago my teenage nephew Leo texted after a date and excitedly told me he'd just had his first kiss.

      9. Friends are life, but at 60 they start to leave you. Please treasure them.

     10. The Walking Dead needs a UK version, and I soooooo want to be in it.

     11. I no longer have to pretend to put up with bad behaviour, bad music, bad films or toxic people.

     12. I don't expect good news coverage on breakfast TV. I say what I think more when I deal with any services and won't put up with shitty management at work.

     13. Never talk about politics, gun laws, or post a seemingly innocuous blog without thinking about it online. And if I do, I expect a load of shitty responses.

     14. I now recognise that real friends are real in so much that they don't rationalise affection or praise or support. They just accept you.

     15. Sleep if you can in the afternoon.

     16. What did we ever do without phones and internet?

     17. Don't be disloyal to yourself. I've done it far too many years now. Don't do things you don't want to do. Don't be what you don't want to be, and don't expect others to do the same.

     18. Eat a scotch egg when I bloody well want one.

     19. If you love someone, tell them. Tell them as often as you can.

     20. To now move forward into my 61st year by embracing a new skill (professional counselling), a new career, and new experiences. I realise that and deserve it.

     Hey ho, I'm almost 60. And I'm off to work, soon. So wish me a happy birthday. I'm shallow enough to enjoy every single comment.

New Faces, New Voices

      In my last post I had my curmudgeon on as I cast a jaundiced eye on the Oscars and the news media. Today I'm feeling a lot more positive and hopeful for the future.

     Why? I watched The Grammys, which in my opinion is a much more entertaining show focusing on young people making interesting and exciting music. Not all of it do I like. But a lot of it is good. And it offers a fresh new look at the world for these tired old eyes and ears of mine.

     To be honest, I don't follow the music world very closely . . . or essentially, not at all. So watching the Grammys is a way for me to discover new music that otherwise I would never hear of. (I typically listen to Classic Rock stations on Sirius XM in the car, or else an all-news station, occasionally classical music.)

     So while the Oscars give us lame and tasteless jokes, ponderous speeches and awards for obscure indie films, the Grammys feature live performances by top acts and new talent -- and much less in the way of personal pet peeves or political posturing.

     The show, hosted by the affable late-night talk show host Trevor Noah, opened up with a performance by Olivia Rodrigo. Ever hear of her? I hadn't. She's young; she's pretty. You might think her music is sappy, but I'm guessing your teenage grandchildren are likely big fans. She sang a adolescently angst number called Drivers License. It's clearly aimed at the younger audience, not people like me. But hey, I remember those days, and I liked it anyway.

     Some other popular performers who were new to me:

     Jon Bastiste performed his hit "Freedom."

     H.E.R. did a medley.

     BTS, a K-pop group, acted out a song called "Butter."

     There was a number by a group called Silk Sonic. One of the guys looked familiar. Bruno Mars? Yes. I remembered him from a previous Grammy show, plus a Superbowl halftime show. Now, apparently he's teamed up with a fellow named Anderson .Paak to form a kind of pop, R&B soul group. They're pretty good! By the way, you can find all these songs on youtube if you're interested.

     My favorite of the night was Billie Eilish. I'd heard of her. But I didn't know any of her songs. This is her new one called "Happier Than Ever." 

     Some of the acts were familiar names. My wife's favorite country singer Chris Stapleton sang his hit "Cold." Carrie Underwood performed her new song "Ghost Story." Lady Gaga, Nas, Justin Bieber, John Legend all made appearances.

     There was more, plenty more. But to tell the truth, the show went on past my bedtime, so I didn't see it all. But if you're interested, the Billboard Music Awards are coming up on Sunday, May 15, broadcast by NBC TV. You'll be able to watch a lot of the same acts -- and enjoy some of the vibrant creativity going on in our country today, the creativity we sometimes forget about as we moan and groan about the state of our country, the state of the world, and how things aren't as good as they used to be.

Are We Obsolete?

      I learned how to drive in our old VW bug. The car had no radio, hand-crank windows, and a four-speed manual transmission. I was pretty proud of my skills with a manual transmission, because not everyone could do it.

     But now, if you mention a manual transmission, people don't even know what you're talking about. If you want a manual transmission in your new car you have to special order it . . . and wait a few months for someone in China to build it.

     Definitely, driving a manual transmission car, being able to stop and start on a steep hill -- that's an obsolete skill.

     What else is obsolete?

     Fixing a car. You don't fix a car anymore. You just replace a computer chip.

     Reading a map. Everyone uses GPS now. My kids have no idea where they are, much less how they got there. They just follow instructions from their iPhone.

     Tuning into a radio station. I used to be able to rotate the dial and find Cousin Brucie on WABC 770 in New York, without looking at the display -- and when I was in the car, without taking my eyes off the road. Later on as a young adult I could find 1010 WINS, "all news, all the time." Now I just ask google to get whatever I want. I don't even have to touch the device. My sixth sense on the radio dial is completely obsolete.

     Writing. Remember in fourth grade -- or sometime around then -- learning how to write in script? Those flowing "a"s and bulbous "b"s? And how the "h" went above the line, and the "g" below the line? Nobody picks up a pen or pencil anymore.

     Typing. I took a typing class in summer school, the summer after 11th  grade. I tested at 50 wpm, and later managed 60 wpm when I got a Smith Corona electric my sophomore year in college. I was pretty proud of that, since all my friends either had to beg a girl to type their paper for them, or else they employed the hunt-and-peck method at around 20 wpm. But nobody types anymore. They thumb their text messages. That, however, turns out to be a skill beyond me. I resort to hunt-and-peck on the phone.

     Sewing. I recently found out that my wife owns a sewing machine -- and has for most of her adult life. I've known her for 20 years. But I've never seen this machine, much less ever witnessed her actually sewing. Is that because I'm an insensitive, inattentive male? No! It's because she hasn't used her sewing machine even once in all these 20 years. 

     Balancing a checkbook. What's a checkbook? Plastic is the way we pay these days, and even that's starting to get phased out, as the humble check was years ago. Soon we'll all just hold up our phone to a sensor. As for cash? That's for drug dealers only. And coins? People won't even pick them up off the ground.

     Telephone voice. It used to matter how you answered the phone, especially in business. You want to welcome your customers . . . and your friends. But nobody telephones anymore because nobody answers the phone anymore . . . because the only calls we get are robocalls. Instead we text, email, zoom, tweet or Instagram.

     Filing. There used to be a job title called "File clerk." No more. Files are gone. Paper is gone. Sorting by alphabet is a lost art. Now everything just gets sent to the cloud -- and the computers do the sorting.

     Tying a Windsor knot. Sporting a Windsor knot in your tie used to be a mark of class. Everyone knew you were destined for the executive suite. Now the black t-shirt is the dress code of executives. And a Windsor knot is nothing but a sign of pomposity. I don't know what the female equivalent of the Windsor knot is . . . maybe wearing a skirt and high-heels?

     I remember my first resume. I listed Xeroxing under my skill set. Well, that was pretty lame, even then. But if you know how to mimeograph, if you know how to Fax, don't tell anyone. If you use a paper calendar, hide it under your desk. And if you still have an aol email account . . . well, I guess that's okay if you're driving around with a manual transmission.

We Are Old But Are We Wise?

      Older people are supposed to be wise. I think our current crop of seniors has lost some of that reputation -- partly because many older people don't keep up with technology. Younger people make fun of us for not knowing how to work the newest gizmo in the car, for not following the latest social media site.

     We don't know the hippest trends in fashion, movies or music. Were you familiar with the entertainers who sang at the Superbowl? Even stodgy old IBM is reportedly pushing out older workers, calling them "Dinobabies."

     Of course young people probably made fun of their elders back in caveman days for not embracing the newest styles in cave art, and not appreciating the latest design in spears and clubs. But the pace of change is so much faster now. Skills become outmoded. Attitudes become set in stone.

     But does wisdom really involve keeping up with the latest trends? What do you think it takes to achieve wisdom, to be wise?

     I think a wise person first and foremost provides perspective. Older people see things in the context of a larger picture and focus on what's actually important. We don't love our smartphone. We don't love our car. They are just things. They don't love us back.

     We love our children, grandchildren and friends, realizing they are much more rewarding than anything we can purchase. We appreciate experiences more than acquisitions. We know it's important to focus on truly fulfilling things like love, joy, knowledge, memories.

     We also also know some history. We don't panic at the latest news event or daily depressing statistic. We've seen it all before and realize that progress takes time. But we know it happens. That's why so many of us volunteer to help out in our communities -- because it makes a difference.

     Think not just about our longer life expectancy but also the improvement in our daily lives, thanks to everything from knee replacements and heart medications to developments in social and psychological attitudes. And as dangerous as our world is today, it's certainly less perilous than it was during World War II or the Cuban Missile Crisis.

     We also know it's important to have a skill or two, and to keep learning even as we get older. Our brains never get full. As we learn more, what isn't important eventually recedes to the background, but still provides a foundation for incorporating new information into something resembling real truth, rather than passing fancy.

     I think the wise person is skeptical, but not cynical. The cynic takes a dim view of everything. The skeptic is open to new things, but not before testing the veracity of fresh ideas, the sincerity of new people. The wise person is unlikely to fall for the latest demagogue, the newest health panacea, the fad diet.

     We are also aware that we can't research everything ourselves and we choose to believe accepted experts, not the TV huckster or internet sensation. We don't automatically accept that someone is as brilliant as they claim, and we're not necessarily impressed with status or diplomas.  But we don't place ourselves above anyone else either. We are willing to admit we're wrong, willing to accept new points of view.

     The wise person also knows their limits, and will push them, but not gamble their future on untested theories or ideas. Sure, we make mistakes, but we achieve wisdom by learning from our mistakes, not endlessly repeating them. It was John Foster Dulles, secretary of state under President Eisenhower, who told us: "The measure of success is not whether you have a tough problem, but whether it's the same problem you had last year."

Does Our Spirit Carry On?

     I recently read a novel called Bewilderment by Richard Powers. The author, a professor at Stanford University, has an impressive resume, so maybe he knows something we don't.

     He has studied both physics and English literature. He has written a dozen books. He was awarded a MacArthur genius fellow, won the National Book Award and a Pulitzer Prize, and is, according to Oprah Winfrey, "one of our country's greatest living writers."

     Bewilderment follows the story of Theo Byrne, an astrobiologist at the University of Wisconsin who lost his wife in a car accident and now takes care of his son Robin who is “on the spectrum.” Science comes to the rescue, as the boy takes part in an experimental program that allows him to feel his deceased mother’s emotions. Unfortunately, political pressures intervene and shut down the program, leading the boy to . . . well, I won't give away the story.

     The book is strictly secular. It's ridiculous to think, according to the author, that there's a God who has given us a special place in the universe, who watches over us, planning rewards and punishments for our actions on Earth. The universe is too large, the possibilities for other life -- even intelligent life -- are too great, and it's just an act of narcissism to think there is anything unique or special about us humans.

     Yet a fellow scientist at the university has developed this computer system that captures the emotions of Theo's dead wife, and allows Robin to connect with his mother. The boy begins to feel what his mother feels, to understand how she loves him and what she wants for him. This in turn brings the troubled boy a measure of relief. It calms him down, dissipates his anger, gives him perspective, and offers the boy an almost normal life.

     The story made me realize what some religious conservatives mean when they claim that science is another religion all in itself. After all, science seeks to discover how we got here, why we are here, and what happens to us after we're gone. Isn't that what religion is all about?

     So even in the Powers non-religious world, we're not completely gone when we die. Science has a way to keep us around -- not just in photos and films and recordings, but in our emotional and aspirational essence, so we can communicate with people we've left behind and help guide the lives of our loved ones.

     I guess all of us hope that there is some form of life after death, however murky our view of it may be. No one wants to believe that death is the bitter, final end.

     There are many songs and speeches, prayers and poems to inspire us to believe in some kind of afterlife. You likely have your own favorites. Here is an unlikely one from the rock band Dream Theater called Our Spirit Carries On. It gives me chills every time I hear it. I hope it does something for you, too.

Things I Just Don't Understand

     The cliche says that people our age start to lose touch. We don't know what's going on in the world. We don't know the trends, and we sure don't know what's in store for the future.

     Well, I guess I've gotten to that stage, because there sure are a lot of things I don't understand

     For example, I don't understand why people refuse to wear masks. They don't work, they say. Well, they don't work perfectly, but they do help to prevent the spread of the virus. And really, donning a mask when you're on a plane, a bus, or in the supermarket . . . it's not that big a deal.

     But then, I don't understand why people line up to go to Starbucks to buy bitter, overpriced coffee.

     And I don't understand why people drive 75 mph, often 15 or 20 mph over the speed limit, risking their lives just to save a few minutes on a trip. Are we all in that much of a hurry?

     And how it is that these same people are up in arms about global warming, yet as a group Americans are now buying more gas-guzzling SUVs than ever before?

     Another thing I don't understand . . . why are all the most popular movies these days cartoons?

     I don't understand why people say the U.S. is anti-immigration. There are 47 million foreign-born people living in America today. That's almost ten times as many foreigners as there were during the great immigration of the late 19th and early 20th centuries. Today's 47 million represent 17% of the U. S. population. When we were kids, in 1970, foreigners represented less than 5% of the U. S. population. So that's a lot of immigrants for a country that's supposed to be anti-immigrant.

     Here's one that really makes me wonder:  Pro-choice liberals use the slogan: My Body My Choice. Conservative anti-vaccers use the slogan: My Body My Choice. How does that make any sense?

     Republicans are supposed to care about law and order. Yet they want to do away with gun rules and take the law into their own hands. They flout safety regulations. They thumb their nose at the criminal justice system.

     Meanwhile, Democrats want to give more money to the poor and raise taxes on the rich. Yet they also want to expand tax breaks that mostly favor the wealthy, like the state and local tax deduction (SALT) that according to the Fiscal Times would "provide a tax cut of $285 billion over five years with almost all the benefits going to the top ten percent of earners."

     We're also in an age of instant communication with smartphones, texting, Facebook, Instagram, Twitter and a myriad of ways to connect with people. Yet a study by the insurance company Cigna found that about half of Americans say they're lonely. NPR says older adults are especially vulnerable since many live in isolation. Loneliness has led to greater drug use, and higher suicide rates especially among the elderly.

     Finally, sports teams are renaming themselves to avoid offending Native Americans. But in Colorado a Native American group is suing to prevent the renaming of schools with Native American mascots. They oppose the use of caricatures that mock their heritage, but claim that erasing Native American names from the public square comes from "a paternalistic assumption that we must protect Native Americans by erasing references to them and their heritage." I get why some names are negative. But what's wrong with Braves or Warriors?

     As you may know, the Washington football team abandoned its monikor of "Redskins". Now, after more than a year of trying to settle on a new nickname, they've announced the team will make its big reveal on February 2. Drum roll please . . . 

     The point of a name is to make the team seem scary and ferocious, with the idea that it will boost morale and intimidate opponents. So if they really want to scare people they should name the team the Washington Representatives, for there are plenty of scary people in Congress. Or how about the Washington Lobbyists? Or maybe even the Washington Anti-Vaccers?

Too Old ... Too Cynical?

      Last week I attended an online presentation from Network 20/20, a group that hosts programs addressing various current issues. My wife and I have attended several of the sessions and found them informative and thought-provoking.

     This last one was called Is American in Decline: Challenges and Opportunities in the 21st Century. The two panelists were Paul Kennedy, age 76, professor at Yale University, and Jessica Mathews, age 75, of the Carnegie Endowment for World Peace.

     What struck me was not so much their take on the issues of the day -- Trump, Covid, Climate, China, the Middle East -- but their overwhelming negative view of the world. Democracy is in decline. Authoritarianism is on the march. War is looming on the horizon. Global warming is choking us to death. 

     They also seemed nostalgic for the better times of yore -- of Roosevelt and Johnson and Clinton -- when America led the liberal world order and spread the ideals of democracy around the globe.

     Then it occurred to me. Maybe Dr. Kennedy is Gloomy Gus, and Dr. Mathews is Debbie Downer, because of their age. It seems like a lot of us in our 70s pine for the old days when life was simpler and America seemed a better place.

     If you're conservative, you look through rose-colored glasses at the age of Eisenhower and Reagan. If you're liberal you dream of Roosevelt and Johnson, or maybe Kennedy and Carter.

     I admit, sometimes I fall into the same way of thinking. Sometimes, it seems, life was better back when we were kids. We walked to school and played in the neighborhood without fear of crime or kidnapping. Mom was home to fix lunch and dinner. Dad went to work and coached Little League on weekends. We didn't worry about money -- either we had enough or didn't care if we had enough -- and everyone wasn't so competitive.

     But then I'd remember. The reason we could run around in the neighborhood was only because we didn't live in the inner city. I'd recall the family that was killed in a car accident, in the days before seat belts and airbags. My mother had a dear friend who died of breast cancer, when medical treatments were much more primitive. I knew a kid with polio who walked with braces. There was the boy with learning disabilities who was shipped off to some institution, never to be heard from again. Our neighbors got divorced -- and at the time it was a huge scandal. 

     We didn't have China as an adversary. We had the Soviet Union, which was worse. Remember hiding under our desks for the air-raid drills? Then there was Vietnam, the assassinations, the race riots and more.

     Maybe life seemed better because . . . we were kids. But I can only imagine was life was like for people of color back in the '60s. Women were pressured into domestic roles that for many became stifling. Men were trapped in jobs they had come to hate. My older sister told me that Ruth Bader Ginsburg was her hero, because she really didn't want kids and she credits RBG as the one who finally came along and gave her the options of birth control, and abortion if she ever needed it.

     I'm not here to argue one way or the other about racism or abortion or any other "hot topic" issue. I'm only saying that people who think America is in decline have got it wrong.

     Crime is down. Traffic fatalities are down. Life expectancies are longer. Social Security and Medicare help keep us comfortable in retirement. Yes, China and Iran and Korea and Russia present their challenges. But we are not on the brink of annihilation as we were in October 1962 during the Cuban Missile Crisis. 

     Sure, there's still racism in America, as there is in many other countries of the world -- but it's nowhere near what it was 50 years ago. I live in a suburb of Philadelphia. The kids in my neighborhood walk to school, just like we did a half a century ago. But there are Asian kids who walk to school, and African American kids and other kids who ... well, I don't know what they are -- presumably some mixture -- but I don't really care.

     Meanwhile, the girls are on a college track, not shuffled off to home economics. And, yes, everyone has been dealing with Covid for the last two years, and it hasn't been easy. But at least we have a new world of technology to help us navigate the challenges.

     I dunno. Maybe I'm too much of an optimist. Or, maybe I'm just not acting my age.