Life-or-Death Question

     While on vacation I read about a woman named Susan Spencer-Wendel, a former reporter for the Palm Beach Post who, at age 44, found out she had ALS, or Lou Gehrig's disease. The illness causes your nerves to die off, progressing inevitably, from muscle to muscle, until you're paralyzed and you eventually die. There is no cure, no effective treatment. It is a death sentence, and a horrible one at that.

      Spencer-Wendel has a website and a facebook page. And she's written a book, Until I Say Good-Bye, published last month. According to amazon, everyone loves this book. It chronicles her journey as she first notices a weakness in her left hand, then goes to see several doctors, stays in denial for a whole year; and finally gets her official diagnosis. She contemplates suicide, but determines to live instead, and follow her dreams. (For a different experience, see my previous post The Night Visitor.)

     How could anyone not like her book? Well, I read it, and it turns out that the author dreams mostly about traveling, and bores us (or me at least) with extensive accounts of trips to Alaska, Hungary, California, Cyprus, and who knows where else.

     But there is one very affecting episode, when she takes her daughter Marina to New York to attend a friend's wedding. Mother and daughter visit Kleinfeld's, the fancy wedding store featured on the TV program "Say Yes to the Dress." Marina is only 14. But the young teenager is game to try on a wedding dress -- and show herself off as the bride her mother will never get to see.

     One other item caught my eye. At one point Spencer-Wendel makes the statement: "When I think of which role is worse -- to be the spouse dying or the spouse surviving -- I think it's the latter. The survivor will experience the same grief, will live the grief of the children, then must assume the responsibilities and slog on."

     I know my reaction to her point of view. What's yours? Maybe it's different depending on whether you're a man or a woman, since most women expect to outlive their husband, watch him die, and then live on as a widow. It's a natural part of life for a woman, not usually for a man (although my own dad outlived my mother by two years -- but he's the exception that proves the rule).

     Admittedly it's a distressing subject, but I'd be interested to hear what you think. I remember my mother, who admittedly had health problems later in life, wanted to be the first to go. And she was. My father raged against the dying of the light -- even at age 91 he desperately wanted to keep living and couldn't believe he had a fatal disease.

     Anyway, Susan Spencer-Wendel is one brave woman, as is her husband John as well as their three children. There's much to admire about her. And from now on, every morning when I wake up, I will thank God, the Universe and the Fates that I don't have ALS.

    

    

New Movies for Grownups

    Remember last year's Best Exotic Marigold Hotel, the movie that put the senior audience on the map? B and I recently saw another one, also, called Hope Springs with Meryl Streep and Tommy Lee Jones, about a long-married couple trying to put some zest back in their relationship. It wasn't as good as Marigold. But it did get a good performance out of Steve Carell as the marriage counselor.

     Now I came across an article in USA Today called "A Perfect 10 for Boomers" -- dubbed 10 Summer Films NOT About Superheroes on their website -- recommending a whole list of upcoming movies geared to the older audience. Since you may not have seen the article (as I've noted before, it seems the only time anyone sees USA Today is when they're traveling) I thought I'd pass on the suggesions.

     The article actually comes up with 11 new movies directed toward the more mature audience, starting with The Big Wedding, which opens today, Friday.

     The movie features an all-star cast including Robert DeNiro, Katherine Heigl, Diane Keaton, Amanda Seyfried and Susan Sarandon. The plot revolves around a long-divorced couple (DeNiro and Keaton) who pretend to still be married as their family reunites for a wedding.

     It sounds like it could be a fun romantic comedy if you like DeNiro, Keaton and the others. Personally, I've liked Susan Sarandon ever since I saw her in 1975 prancing around in her underpants for The Rocky Horror Picture Show. Oh, and I don't mind Katherine Heigl either.

     One of the movies that sounds promising to me is Now You See Me, coming out at the end of May. The plot sounds a little weird -- an FBI agent enlists some magic to stop a bank robbery -- but the movie stars two actors I like:  Morgan Freeman and Mark Ruffalo.

     Fans of the 2010 movie Red might like Red 2, with Bruce Willis, Helen Mirrin and Anthony Hopkins, coming out late in July. And I, myself, am still a Woody Allen fan, despite his checkered career (not to mention his checkered personal life), and so I'm looking forward to Blue Jasmine starring Cate Blanchett and Alec Baldwin and featuring the new hip comedian Louis C. K. The Woody Allen movie also hits the multiplex in July.

     But don't rely on my recommendations. Go take a look at the Summer Films article on the USA Today website and make out your movie plans for the summer.

Where Am I Now?

     Anyone who saw my last post has figured out that I'm taking a little R&R in the Carolinas. We came for the beach, but unfortunately the weather has not been cooperating. It's been cool and cloudy -- okay for walking on the beach, but not for sitting on the beach. Swimming? Forget about it. ("This is highly unusual," everyone keeps telling us. "It's supposed to be summer by now.")

     So yesterday we decided to go to see the historic city that's only about an hour's drive from where we're staying. Can you figure out where we went? Remember, we came to the Carolinas. But, careful ... it's a trick question.

 

In case you can't see it, that's a Pirate House

You thought I was kidding. I think that's a real pirate!

A cobblestone street leads down to the river

There's a modern suspension bridge

And a modern convention center

Historic River Street

We went to Huey's, a Cajun restaurant, but it's surely not New Orleans

The famous Cotton Exchange

It's a city of squares, this is Johnson Square

 

City Hall

     So what do you think? Can you figure out what city this is? It's an historic city. On a river. We're vacationing in the Carolinas. But as I told you, there's a trick. So, it's . . . 

Where's Tom Sightings?

     I'm taking a little vacation. (Hey, I'm retired, I can go on vacation whenever I want!). I'll give you one guess where I'm going ...

     I'm not leaving until tomorrow. But, "In my mind, I'm already gone . . . ."

10 Best Places to Retire … If You Can Afford It

     If you remember, a couple of weeks ago I asked for ideas and suggestions about good places to retire for this article I was doing for U.S. News retirement site. So here are the results based on my own experience, some research I did, and the input from you guys. 

     I did get some comments. A few of them were nasty (as they always are on the Internet), including one that said the writer is mentally handicapped (and people wonder why I don't use my real name on my blog). Some other comments were helpful, a couple were funny. I've added a selection of choice responses, in italics, where I thought they had any informative or entertainment value. Although several people offered a general comment, like: "Coincidentally, this is my exact top ten places not to live or retire in."

     Um ... maybe you have a few choice comments of your own, which is okay, because as many people have emphasized time and time again, the best place to retire is always up to the individual, and where their family lives, and what climate and activities they enjoy.

     Anyway, for your consideration . . .

     Most retirement sites use affordability as a top criteria in choosing best places to retire – as though retirees are spending their last dollar. But recent figures show the over-60 set is among the wealthiest groups in America, with lower levels of poverty than average and greater numbers of millionaires.

Quaint Cape Cod

     Of course, plenty of Baby Boomers may never want to move, either because they can't afford to, or they want to stay near children and grandchildren. But many are eager to relocate, and don't want to go economy class. They know a high cost of living often indicates that a place is desirable, so people are willing to pay top dollar to live there.

     You don't have to be a 1 percenter to consider the following retirement destinations. But they all sport a cost of living above the national average of 100, so you should have a few extra dollars in your pocket.

      Cape Cod, MA. Located less than a hundred miles southeast of Boston, this spit of sand where the Pilgrims stopped off before continuing to Plymouth Rock offers many miles of seashore and over a dozen charming New England towns. CC enjoys mild winters (for New England), cool summers, and lots of golf, boating, art, history and summer festivals. The town of Chatham, for example, has an upscale main street, picturesque lighthouse and local airport. Cost of Living Index: 145.

      New York, NY. You don't need a car in this mecca for the culturally inclined, and there are plenty of elevators which makes the city surprisingly accommodating to the disabled. The Upper West Side, between Lincoln Center and Columbia University, offers all the culture you could want, including Tom's Restaurant of Seinfeld fame. Cost of Living Index: 170.

     One person responded simply: "Who would retire in New York?" The person got a number of "Likes" and only one or two responses extolling the virtues of New York. The simple fact of the matter is that New York is a unique place, and some people love it, a lot of people hate it, and even more people (like me) think it's a great place to visit but they wouldn't want to live there.

What's wrong with Washington?

      Washington, DC. Summers are hot and muggy, but that's a small price to pay for the cultural, educational and historic attractions available at no or low cost. The Metro doesn't go everywhere, like the New York subways do, but it provides fast, comfortable transportation. Cathedral Heights and Cleveland Park both offer high-rise apartment buildings on the avenues, and charming old houses on tree-lined streets. Cost of Living: 145.

     I expected some blow back on New York, but was surprised at the enmity toward Washington (a place I would love to retire ... if I could afford it, which I can't). One reader said: "Being retired in NYC or DC is great motivation to die quickly." And an anonymous person replied, "I would rather spend the rest of eternity in hell than retire in either New York or DC." Yet another commented wryly: "I especially like New York and Washington. Why not Detroit?"

     Hilton Head, SC. The island, 40 miles from Savannah, GA, features beautiful wide beaches, lots of golf, and a series of upscale retirement communities. HHI is a bit off the beaten track, but there's a branch of the University of South Carolina in nearby Beaufort, and your family will surely beat a track to your door come spring break. Sea Pines Plantation is host to the annual Heritage Classic golf tournament. Cost of Living: 135.

     Naples, FL – Some people tout upscale Sarasota a hundred miles to the north for its cultural attractions, but Naples is even more upscale, with its own botanical gardens, museum of art, philharmonic center – and more golf holes per capita than any other town in America. Naples is not as remote as many people think: less than two hours by car to Ft. Lauderdale, and nearby Marco Island offers a high-speed ferry to Key West. Cost of Living Index: 160.

     Several people agreed that Naples would be a wonderful retirement destination; many offered other Florida alternatives such as Clearwater, Venice, Vero Beach. So why is it that I can't get my beloved B to even visit Florida? She hates Florida. Some people do.

Skies Over Scottsdale

     Austin, TX – Located on the edge of the beautiful Texas Hill Country, Austin is known for the University of Texas, the state capital, and its world-class music scene. Georgetown, 30 miles north, features Victorian architecture, picturesque walking and biking trails, and the Center for Lifelong Learning at Southwestern University. Cost of Living: 105. 

     Again, nobody objected to Austin. Several people also suggested South Padre Island and other spots along the Texas Gulf coast ... and who could argue with them?

     Scottsdale, AZ – A perfect place if you like a desert climate, with plenty of golf, tennis and hiking. Bonus: it's near Phoenix, but not in Phoenix. Arizona State University is located in Tempe, just south of Scottsdale, offering cultural and educational opportunities as well as Pac-12 athletics. Paradise Valley is home to famous retirees Muhammad Ali and Sandra Day O'Connor, while Anthem to the north is ten degrees cooler than the city. Cost of Living: 120.

     San Diego, CA – The climate offers mild winters, with an average high of 50 degrees, and equally mild summers, with an average high of 76. The downtown Marina district

Sunset in San Diego

has been revitalized with a new stadium, an art museum, and a lively theater and restaurant scene. La Jolla, Encinitas and Carlsbad are jewels that dot the coast north of the city. Cost of Living: 145.

     Everyone loves San Diego -- even the person who said he was a native of Northern California and would never leave.

     Bellingham, WA – This city, 90 miles north of Seattle and 50 miles south of Vancouver, Canada, boasts more sunny days than Portland or Seattle, yet also offers a mild climate that rarely brings a frost. It has fewer doctors per capita than its larger neighbors, but boasts better air quality and less traffic. It's also the home of Western Washington University, and near the beautiful San Juan islands. Cost of Living: 125. 

     One person objected, saying Bellingham has a high crime rate. Another responded: "No it doesn't." 

     Hawaii – It's a long way from San Jose, but as one person said: “How long does it take to get used to living in Hawaii? About 20 seconds.” Honolulu, with a population of about 380,000, spreads along the coast on Oahu. The island of Maui offers a more laid back lifestyle. Best place to live? Anywhere near the ocean … again, if you can afford it. Cost of Living: 185.

     So, go figure. Opinions are like noses. Everybody has one. Which all circles back to the truism that the best place for you to retire is where you have friends, family, and a reason for being there. But still, there's no harm in making some suggestions, throwing out some ideas. Just because we're getting older doesn't mean we're still not restless Americans, ready for the next adventure.

Best of the Boomer Blogs

     As April 15 dawns, you may be focusing on your taxes. But we here at the Best of Boomer Blogs have lifted our sights to higher goals, from the simple wisdom of Winnie the Pooh, to the bittersweet experience of emptying out a dear aunt's home, to the ... er, everyday performance of your favorite (or least favorite) airline.

     Take a quick flyover of what's on Baby Boomer minds this week:

     Laura Lee, aka the Midlife Crisis Queen, has been thinking about what changes we undergo as we approach late midlife. In her latest blog post she discusses a new book by Carol Orsborn, about transitioning from a successful career to the wild spaces beyond 60.

     John Agno of So Baby Boomer has come upon a few Secrets that Boomers Don't Want You to Know, and offers a list of some things we've been hiding. (So what do you think: Do you harbor any secrets about your money, your health, your comfort level with technology?)

     On The Survive and Thrive Boomer Guide, Rita R. Robison, consumer journalist, covers a performance survey of the nation's 14 largest airlines. Top spot goes to ... drum roll please: Virgin America. What came in at the bottom? You'll have to make the connection over to her blog to find out. But the good news is that the researchers found overall performance for the airlines in 2012 was the second highest in the 23 years the survey has been conducted.

     Meanwhile, Sara Cornell of LifeAfterMarried and BlueBlindsMedia gets more personal. In her post Going, Going, Gone ... she writes about the feeling of loss and liberation she experienced as she emptied her late aunt's house in preparation for putting it on the market.

     And so what about Winnie the Pooh? Most people think of the chubby little Pooh as a playful, silly bear, a character in a children's book. But in her latest blog post, What Winnie the Pooh Can Teach Us, Lisa Garon Froman of Tao Flashes makes the argument that Winnie the Pooh was actually very wise ... and has some important things to teach us grownups about living a life of joy and simplicity.

    

I'm a ... What?

     On Sunday afternoon I was driving home on Route 202, a narrow state road that curves through the trees and winds around a reservoir.

     I was trundling along, minding my own business, when I suddenly noticed bright headlights flashing in my rear-view mirror. I took a closer look and saw a large black SUV filling up the mirror. The car had come out of nowhere, and now was tailgating me, close enough so the headlights were distracting me in my mirror.

     I admit I am a slow driver. I try to drive about 5 mph over the speed limit -- which in modern-day American marks me as a slowpoke. Sometimes when it's dark or rainy I can (horrors!) even dip below the speed limit. So I glanced at my speedometer. I was doing 45 mph. What was the speed limit on this section of 202 anyway? To be honest, I wasn't sure.

     So, between quick glances up into my mirror to see if this guy was going to rear-end me, I looked for the next speed-limit sign. There it was:  40 mph.

     I was doing 5 mph over the speed limit.

     I couldn't help but pay attention to the guy behind me, as his lights bounced and wavered in my rear-view mirror, and the big black grille of the SUV looked like it might bump into me at any moment. He was close enough so I could see that the driver was a middle age guy, light brown hair, balding. He had the swollen face of a guy maybe 40 or 50 pounds overweight. Beside him was a woman. And I could see a third person in the car, in their backseat. It looked like a child, but I didn't take my eyes off the road in front of me long enough to ascertain whether the kid was a boy or a girl.

     The guy kept on my tail. When we went around a fairly sharp curve, he dropped back a little. I assume that's because I drive a fairly responsive, somewhat sporty sedan than corners pretty well, while he's in a big oversized SUV that leans and wavers when it takes the curves. On the next straightaway he was right back on my rear end, between one and two car lengths behind me. Sitting up high. Was he glowering at me, or was I just imagining it? I checked my speed again. Steady at 45 mph. I spied another speed limit sign. Still 40 mph.

     We traveled like this for three or four miles -- maybe five minutes. I was tempted to speed up -- after all, that's clearly what my tailgater wanted me to do, as (in his mind) I had the audacity to slow him down. But I resisted. I told myself that I shouldn't let this guy pressure me into going faster than I felt was safe.

     I was also tempted to slow down, just to annoy the guy as much as he was annoying me. But I resisted that temptation as well. I needed to be mature about this, didn't want to stoop to his level.

     Finally we got to a red light at a T intersection. I was turning left, and came to a stop. He pulled out to my right, halfway onto the shoulder of the road, slowed down and made the right hand turn. He didn't stop, as required by law; he rolled through the red light. As he did, I glanced over at him. I'm sure I must have had a disapproving look on my face. How could I not? But I didn't say anything; didn't make any  gesture; didn't have any obvious look on my face.

     He gave me an angry stare and said something. Our windows were closed, so I couldn't hear it. But it didn't take a professional lip reader to discern the epithet he threw my way. "Asshole!" is what he said.

     For a millisecond my reaction was confusion. Was I an "asshole" for obeying the speed limit? For getting in his way? Then I wondered what message he was sending to his wife and child -- tailgating a guy who was going over the speed limit, obviously getting upset, and then calling the other driver an "asshole."

     Still stopped at the red light, I looked at the back of his car, turning the corner. He was basically gone at this point, heading north, getting ready to harass somebody else. Still, I couldn't help myself. I gave him the finger.

10 Lessons You Learn By Doing Your Taxes

     Most people do not do their own taxes. They throw up their hands, decide it's too complicated and run to an accountant or H & R Block. A lot of people use electronic services such as Turbotax. This is kind of like doing it yourself, but the electronic process does hide some details of the tax system and how it affects you.

     I have always done my own taxes -- except for a couple of years when I tiptoed into an accountant's office and found out they don't necessarily do a better job, and they charge you a pretty penny for the service. I have also used Turbotax, but find that it doesn't always make life easier.

     While it does take some time, and the process is not entirely painless, doing your own taxes can provide an educational experience. I'm not talking about practicing your arithmetic skills. I mean you find out what the government is really encouraging you to do (despite what it says) and what it really penalizes.

     In short, you find out how the world really works.

     Here are ten lessons I learned in doing my own taxes over the last couple of weeks.

     1. The Federal tax system penalizes workers. Not only do you pay the highest rates on the income you earn, but you also pay Social Security (aka payroll) tax of about 7% on yor salary. Your employer pays an additional 7% -- which means, at least theoretically, they could pay you 7% more if they weren't giving that money to the government. But wait ... the government likes you if you make a lot of money -- once you earn more than $113,700 a year, the government no longer takes its cut of 14%.

     2. The Federal government wants you to invest in the stock market. Some of the money you make from capital gains -- the profit from selling a stock for more more than you bought it for -- doesn't get taxed at all. The rest is taxed at a lower rate than the money you make on your job. Most stock dividends are taxed at a lower rate as well.

     3. You're a sucker if you have a savings account, or buy a bond. The interest rate you receive from a corporate or government bond, or a regular savings account, is the lowest it's been in decades. It's below the rate of inflation, which means you are actually losing money. The IRS doesn't care. It taxes the little bit of interest you earn at its regular rate, meaning you lose even more money.

     4. The IRS can't make up its mind about real estate. Real estate investors can take advantage of certain tax breaks, such as depreciation; but are excluded from others. Rental income is taxed at the full rate, as opposed to stock dividends which get preferential treatment. Bottom line: Investing in real estate can be a good deal, but it's not for everyone.

     5. Or owning a business. Again, many tax breaks are available to people who work for themselves, such as deductions for "travel and entertainment." But there are drawbacks as well. For one, you have to pay both the employer's and the employee's part of the Social Security tax. And the tax-filing process can be confusing and complicated, requiring obsessive record keeping and mind-numbing calculations.

     6. But it does want you to save for retirement. The government offers a wide (some would say overly complicated) array of options -- such as the IRA, the Roth IRA, the SEP IRA, the 401(k) plan – which allow you to escape, or at least defer, taxes on your retirement savings.

     7. It wants you to get health insurance through your business, but not on your own. The IRS doesn't tax the income you use to pay for health-insurance premiums, but only if you get medical insurance at your workplace or through your own business. If you buy medical insurance on your own ... no tax break for you!

     8. And the government will cut you a break if you're sick. You can deduct out-of-pocket medical expenses that exceed 7.5% of your income.

    9. The government wants you to go to college. There are several ways to deduct a portion of college tuition on your Federal tax form, and many states offer tax breaks for educational expenses as well. The 529 College Savings Plan is a relatively simple and easy way to avoid taxes on money you put aside for college. 

   10. The government really doesn't want you to do your own taxes. The Federal tax code reportedly runs 70,000 pages or more (people can't even agree on how long it is), and details all kinds of rules, regulations, breaks and penalties. Plus many more pages at your state level. And if you ever get audited, the government will want to inspect all your records and backup materials. The whole process is way too complicated for the average person. The IRS really wants you to pay an expert, who is more likely to get it right, and who will do it electronically.

Remember Her?

     She was born in Tennessee on Feb. 29, Leap Year's day in 1916. Her parents were Jewish immigrants from Russia. Her father, Solomon, was a dry goods merchant who, in 1924, opened his own department store in McMinnville, Tenn., southeast of Nashville.

     The young girl, named Frances Rose, contracted polio at the age of two. The treatment at the time was bed rest; so she convalesced at home while her parents supplied their own home-grown intensive care. Fanny Rose survived, but came out of her ordeal with a deformed foot and a slight limp.

     She was a shy child, but she loved to sing, and was encouraged by her mother who had dreamed of becoming an opera star. Her father brought her into his store, where she would sing for customers, and one time, at age 14, she took the stage at a nightclub in Nashville.

     Her mother died unexpectedly of a heart attack when Fanny Rose was 16. She put her singing on hold while she finished high school, where despite a lingering limp she took part in sports and joined the cheerleading squad. She went to Vanderbilt University where she resumed singing, and for at least one summer she traveled to New York to audition for several orchestras and radio stations.

     After graduating from college in 1938, Fanny Rose moved to New York, where she made the rounds of auditions. She landed a job with an orchestra, became a vocalist for WNEW radio, and signed a recording contract with RCA records.

     She became a regular on a number of different radio shows during the 1940s and recorded several Number #1 hits, including "I'll Walk Alone," "Anniversary Song," and "Buttons and Bows."

     She made her first TV appearance in 1949 on "The Ed Wynn Show" and in 1950 made a guest appearance on Bob Hope's first television show. In the meantime, Fanny Rose had picked up another name. In many of her early auditions she sang the popular song "Dinah" and then she recorded a number called "Dinah's Blues." The name stuck, and she became known not as Fanny Rose Shore, but as Dinah Shore.

     In 1951 she scored her own TV show, The Dinah Shore Show. In 1956 she won the first of many Emmys for the show, which was famously sponsored by Chevrolet. The sponsor's jingle "See the U.S.A. in Your Chevrolet" soon became Dinah Shore's signature song.

     The Dinah Shore Show, under several different formats, ran until 1963. The variety show featured all the top talent of the time, from Ella Fitzgerald to Frank Sinatra to Nat King Cole and Barbra Streisand.

     From 1970 through 1980, Dinah Shore hosted two daytime programs that featured interviews, demonstrations and musical numbers, including some more contemporary acts such as David Bowie and Iggy Pop.

     Dinah Shore was also an avid golfer, and in 1972 helped found the Dinah Shore-Colgate golf tournament, which in its current identity as the Kraft Nabisco Championship remains one of the major golf tournaments on the LPGA tour. The tournament is being played this week in Rancho Mirage, CA.

     Shore was married to actor George Montgomery from 1943 to 1962, and she dated a number of Hollywood luminaries, including a much-publicized romance in the 1970s with the 20-year-younger Burt Reynolds.

     Today Dinah Shore, who died in 1994, is as much remembered for a weekend as she is for her long-ago singing career. The first unofficial Dinah Shore weekend took place in 1986, when women flocked to Palm Springs for the Dinah Shore golf tournament. Primarily a social event, the gathering nevertheless raised money to support human rights and fight the AIDS epidemic.

     The Dinah Shore Weekend -- now known simply as The Dinah -- soon became a platform to mobilize the lesbian community around social issues and humanitarian projects. This year's "largest girl party in the world" takes place in Palm Springs, CA, from April 3 - 7. It features pop sensation Karmin, as well as Havana Brown, Diana King and other musical acts, and comedians Fortune Feimster, Jackie Loeb and others. Participants will also pony up for a celebrity poker tournament, to raise money for the Human Rights Campaign.

     No word on whether 77-year-old Burt Reynolds will make an appearance.

     Dinah Shore sings "Buttons and Bows" her No. 1 hit from 1948.

     And, below, something from Karmin, who's appearing at The Dinah this coming weekend.