"In this sticky web that we're all in, behaving decently is no small task." -- Novelist Stacey D'Erasmo

Sunday, March 3, 2019

The Art of Self-Care

     Winter is drawing to a close, but is spring really in sight? It sounds to me as though people are worn out from the cold weather and lack of sunshine, and maybe even suffering from SAD. So this is the time of year when we need to turn to self-care . . . and maybe even self-preservation.

     As for me, just this morning I was appreciating the benefits of calidus hydrotherapy. Or, in English, a hot shower. If you're cold it warms you up. If you feel stiff it loosens you up. If you have sinus problems it clears you up. And if you're dirty and stinky, it cleans you up. In other words, calidus hydrotherapy cures almost everything.

     On a more more cerebral level, Kathy Gottberg of Smart Living 365 tells us she recently suffered a nasty cold. No sooner had she started to get better than she also started to beat herself up for lying around for over a week, and for her lack of productivity. "Rather than practice what I now understand to be self-compassion," she writes, "I jumped into criticizing myself for taking too many naps, watching too much television, and doing not one bit of exercise. I even berated myself for getting sick in the first place." But in Productivity, Worthiness and Thoughts on Self-Compassion she finds a way to let go of her critical self and accept that she doesn't have to "do" things to justify her inherent value and find self-compassion.

     In the same vein, Laura Lee Carter visits the issue of "cognitive reframing" this week. In How We Steal the Bright Side from Ourselves . . .  she recognizes that choosing a different perspective is not always what people do naturally, and she offers a way to turn negative interpretations of life into positive ones.

     Jennifer Kolsak wonders if you know how to say no. This week in Unfold and Begin she shares the importance of saying no when other people are trying to burden you with projects that really hold little interest. In Disappoint Others by Learning How to Say No she reminds us that the secret is to learn how to take the time to differentiate between the things you want to do and the things you really don't.

     Meanwhile, Carol Cassara points out that as we age the losses tend to mount up. Things we took for granted when we were young are now almost privileges. And of course, eventually we must all keep company with grief. We know that "stuffing" those feelings only prolongs them, but maybe we just can't talk about them. At A Healing Spirit she offers some suggestions on how to cope with loss in her post The Power of Expression in Times of Grief.

     Rita Robison, for her part, is focusing on more practical aspects of self-preservation. Every time a data breach occurs consumer groups recommend that people put a freeze on their accounts at the three credit bureaus so identity thieves and scammers can't open new credit cards or get illicit loans. Now in Consider Putting a Freeze on Your Credit Bureau Accounts Robison goes through the process herself and walks us through the steps of safeguarding our credit accounts.

     And finally, to circle back to Kathy Gottberg's issue about caring for yourself, without feeling the guilt, Meryl Baer talks about one of her favorite activities. She does this activity without self-criticism, self-recrimination or feeling any guilt. In fact, in Sleep Soundly Long and Often she veritably brags about her natural talents and abilities to accomplish this daily task.

     As she points out, her guilt-free approach to what I'll call somnus therapy has many health benefits . . . including, it seems, keeping a sense of humor about the vicissitudes of life as we slog through these last gasps of winter.

8 comments:

Rian said...

Tom, you hit on several methods of self preservation that I use... with the hot shower being number one. Sometimes I get so cold that nothing but a hot shower will warm me up again. It not only relaxes me, soothes my aching bones, and clears my head - but makes me feel normal again (...if I have been unwell).
Also although I have said many times that naps are my favorite retirement perk, I should also say that saying "no" is another. I've always found it difficult to say no. But now feel that - at my age - I've earned the right (to some extent). And yes (after reading the article you mentioned) I find the words, "let me think about it" very useful.

Jono said...

I just took a hot shower and over the next few days I am going to study all these ideas. Some I have already been pursuing, but even revisiting is good. The sun has just gone down and the temperature is already below zero, so I still have to find ways to cope. Thanks for this.

David @iretiredyoung said...

I'm experiencing my first European winter in thirteen years, and they are much different from the warm and dry climate of the Middle East where I have been. I've been surprised that the weather hasn't got me down at all. Perhaps it's simply the novelty, and things will change in future years.
Today it's grey and raining. Rather than being depressed about it, I'm thinking what outdoor clothing I need to invest in so that I can get on with what I want to do, come rain or shine.

DUTA said...

I totally agree with Meryl Bayer about sleep.
To me, sleep (minimum 7 hours) is the most beneficial activity during retirement.

Wisewebwoman said...

I no longer give the guiltograms to myself when I feel tired. I just go to bed. Sometimes I'm up at 6 a.m. and feel tired at 10 a.m. and roll into bed for an hour. Out like a light.

I could sleep on a clothesline as the saying goes and feel so fortunate.

Self-care includes sleep when and when needed for this elder.

XO
WWW

Laura Lee Carter said...

GREAT POST Tom! Thanks for sharing with us all!

carol cassara said...

I love the theme of this week's posts!

gigi-hawaii said...

It's hard to turn off your internal critic sometimes, but you need to do it. Be calm and mellow and you will find peace.