Wednesday, May 25, 2011

Universal Truths

     I ran across this list of "Universal Truths" while I Stumbled through the Internet the other day. (I signed up for Stumble last year; rarely use it, but it's the ultimate time waster if you're interested.) The list was first published sometime last year so some people may have already seen it. But even if you have, it's worth another visit.

     A few I liked best:

     *  I  think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die.

     *  How in the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?

     * MapQuest really needs to start their directions on #5. I'm pretty sure I know how to get out of my own neighborhood.

     *  Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.

     *  Bad decisions make good stories.

      * I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.

     The full list of observations was apparently first published on a site called ruminations. I couldn't find it there, but it has been repeated on several sites, from a Civil War forum (why, I don't know) to this one:  32 Undeniable Truths for Mature Humans.

     The list inspired me to come up with a few of my own:

     *  I never, ever touch the pictures hanging on the living-room walls. So how do they get crooked?

     *  Why is it that the driver ahead of me is always going too slow, and the guy behind me is always going too fast?

     *  We know books are living things. They multiply in the bookcase overnight.    

     *  I'd sure like to get my hands on the guy who designed bathroom tiles so they get slippery when they're wet.

     *  A flower dies when you cut it down. A weed grows stronger.

     *  My computer works 99.9 percent of the time. It only crashes when I haven't saved an important file.

     *  I knew I wasn't as young as I thought when I realized that the old lady holding up the checkout line at the supermarket ... was younger than me.

     *  Why does every comedy at the movies insist on showing a throw up scene?

     Okay, maybe mine are not the greatest. So if you have any personal frustrations, common pitfalls, human weaknesses or interesting peccadilloes, would love to hear about them. Add them to the list. Meantime, I'll try not to fall over my own feet.


Kay Dennison said...

I identify with a lot of these!!!!

I thought your personal observations were excellent -- mostly because I share them! :)

If I live to be 100, I'll never figure out how to fold a fitted sheet neatly!

Thanks!!! This was fun!

Robert the Skeptic said...

Why is it that, if you are late to an appointment, ALL the traffic lights turn red - but if you are early, they're always green?

Gail Gardner said...

You know you're old when you object to a business blog publishing a post with the 'f' word in the title that is blatantly sexual - and all the commentators think YOU are the crazy one. said...

Great questions. I can fold a fitted sheet, but do not understand why flowers are so easy to kill and weeds have nine lives. Dianne

Terry said...

Lol! This was very funny! I'd add this: whatever line you move into to save time will automatically be where you wait the longest