Best of the Boomer Blogs

     It must be getting close to the Ides of March, the day Caesar was assassinated, because this time around the entries for Best of Boomer Blogs seem to be slouching toward more serious subjects.

     Laura Lee, the Midlife Crisis Queen, was pleased to see the mainstream media finally confronting a difficult topic on "60 Minutes" last Sunday:  Suicide. This is the same topic that inspired her to write her new book Find Your Reason to Be Here: The Search for Meaning in Midlife.

     On The Survive and Thrive Boomer Guide Rita R. Robinson consumer journalist writes about six ways to be a better shopper to celebrate National Consumer Protection Week. The tips include:  use apps to compare prices, know the steps to take when your purse or wallet is stolen, learn how to protect yourself in financial dealings, watch out for scams, and complain if something goes wrong.

     Katie Foster at Arabian Tales has a great book to suggest to female boomers who have attained that "seasoned age."

     Do you think your menopausal searing hot flashes, tumultuous mood swings and nasty irritable behavior is bad? Nothing compares to the hell that Abby experiences as she wades through a truly treacherous menopausal journey in Mental Pause, written by global nomad and freelance author Anne O'Connell. The novel, launched on March 8, International Women's Day, is a "must read" for every woman experiencing or about to experience this dreaded rite of passage.

     Meanwhile, Lisa Garon Froman says today more than ever we need compassion, courage and creativity to navigate through the world. On her blog Tao Flashes: A Woman's Way to Navigating the Midlife Journey with Integrity, Harmony and Grace she explains how midlife is the time to tap into the creative, sacred feminine spirit for wisdom and healing.

     Finally, Sara Cornell of Life After Married takes a look at what to do when you know something you wish you didn't know . . . do you share it with someone or just try to forget it?

     Here's a bit of information I know. If it's getting toward the Ides of March, then spring is around the corner. There will be no more snow, I guarantee it!

You've Got to See This!

     If you ever think the world is in a heap of trouble, worry that our young people are falling behind and half of them can't even read when they get out of high school, and wonder what will happen when it's time for them to step up to their responsibilities . . . then take a look at this. Okay, by itself this will not change the world. But, boy oh boy, it's pretty impressive. The clip was recorded last week -- and just remember, this is what he does for fun!

     A California college student solves a Rubik's Cube while juggling, and also while his friends are joking around and talking to him . . .

The Marriage Dilemma

     Why do homosexuals want to be able to get married to another person of the same sex -- but older heterosexual couples seem more comfortable living together and not getting married at all?

      I'm no expert, so I can only guess why homosexuals want the opportunity for same-sex marriage. For one thing, I suppose it legitimizes their sexual orientation -- that marriage between two gay people makes those people feel "just as good" as two heterosexual people. And maybe there is also a monogamous impulse among gays, just as there is among heterosexuals -- although at least in males, the monogamous gene is counterbalanced by the well-documented urge to have sex with many different partners, especially if those partners are pretty and younger than you.

     However, the monogamous impulse in heterosexual males is supported by the monogamous impulse in females, which is probably stronger, and females influence the males. But I'd think gay males at least, absent the female influence, would feel less of a pull toward monogamy, making them less interested in getting married.

     Anyway, most people naturally (biologically?) feel that they want to have children. In my day, gays typically got married to a person of the opposite sex; produced children, and then "came out" as gay after they'd been married for a while, in their 40s or even 50s. But today, people recognize their sexual proclivity earlier in life. So gays are not as likely to go through that heterosexual stage. If they want children, therefore, they would adopt them rather than create them, either by themselves or with a partner. And in all ways it's easier to adopt a child with a partner than by yourself.

     Finally, there are the economic factors. A lot of gay people want to get married for the health benefits they can enjoy through a covered partner. Plus the life insurance, the social Security benefits, and whatever other economic benefits accrue with marriage.

     So, yeah, I can see how gays would at least want the opportunity to get married. Not the obligation, but the opportunity.

     But why does it work the other way with older heterosexual partners? Why do they not want to get married?

     One reason may be children from a previous marriage. A new marriage might upset the delicate family balance among the children, and in some ways it might be more delicate with older children than with younger ones.

     Some people might simply be gun shy. They were married once or twice, and it didn't work out, so they're reluctant to try again. If you're a widow or widower, there might be feelings of fealty toward the dead spouse. Might some people think it's a betrayal to get married again? I don't know. I've never studied it, and I myself have only been divorced, never widowed.

     Finally, there are the economic factors. Seniors are more likely to lose economic benefits rather than gain them, when they get married. They may lose a life insurance benefit from a diseased spouse; they may lose Social Security benefits.

     In my case, my ex-wife has told me more than once that she will never get married again. I don't think that's because she still has any love left for me, or that her experience with marriage was so terrible she would never think of subjecting herself to that again. I think it's because the Social Security benefits she gets from me are higher than those she'd qualify for on her own.

     There are other financial issues as well. A wealthy person may be reluctant to marry a poorer person -- and I think that situation is more likely to occur later in life. Or, merging two incomes of older, established people might push them into a higher tax bracket. And, obviously, if both people are on Medicare, there are no medical benefits to be gained by getting married.

     I haven't reached any conclusions here about the advisability of marriage, for either gay couples or older couples. But it does seem like a strange situation, doesn't it? I don't know. I'm just thinking out loud. So go ahead, tell me why I'm wrong. I usually am.

    

Nothing Happened

     We talked to B's son by Skype over the weekend. "What's new?" we wanted to know.

     He told us about a new assignment at work. He moved to South Carolina about four months ago to take a job. He's learning new skills and meeting new people. He's also decorating his apartment. He got a dog at the animal shelter and started his first class of puppy training. He made some new friends -- people who live in his apartment complex -- and they all had dinner together the night before. Next week he's going to Raleigh, NC, to get some management training.

     Meanwhile, B got home Monday night. "Anything new at work?" I wanted to know. "Nope, same old, same old," she said. "How about you?" she asked. "No, nothing," I confessed.

     We talked to my son on Friday. He's traveling up to Albany, NY, next weekend ... for some reason, he wouldn't tell me exactly, he was being vague and kind of mysterious. The week after that his company is sending him to Austin, Texas, for three days. And he signed up to play tennis -- at the rooftop courts above the train station.

     I talked to my sister this morning. She's retired. "What's going on?" I asked. "Not much," she replied. She recently had surgery and has been mostly house-bound for the past three weeks. Her only news: The physical therapy is going well. And ... oh yeah, her husband made her breakfast this morning.

Their calendar

Our calendar

     B's older son called the other day. He was excited because he'd just interviewed for a new job, in New York City. He'll probably be moving soon. He shares an apartment with two friends, but their lease is up next month, and he's ready to get his own place. Besides, if he does land this new job, he'll have to move anyway. Oh, he and his girlfriend went skiing over the weekend. And he's talking about going back to school part-time to get a master's degree -- especially if this new job doesn't come through -- and he's taking the GRE exams next weekend.

     We had dinner with an old friend Sunday night. "What's new?" we asked. "Nothing. Just working." The husband thinks he's coming down with a cold. That's about it.

     But their daughter? She relocated to Texas last fall, and she loves her new job and exploring all the new places and has been having fun moving in and decorating her apartment. And, oh yeah, she's got a boyfriend now. He seems like a nice guy.

     I talked with my ex-wife. "What's going on?" I asked. "Oh, nothing really." She's dealing with getting onto Medicare and wondering if it was time to start Social Security, or if she should wait. Otherwise, just day-to-day living.

     It's nice to have a settled retired life, with no stresses or strains, no fears of an uncertain tomorrow, no new adventures on the horizon. Okay, I'm exaggerating a little here. My sister is planning a trip to Seattle. And B and I do have a few things on our calendar: We're going dancing next weekend. We're planning a week-long vacation for the summer. And, uh ... yeah, the electrician is coming over later this week to replace our kitchen light.

     But, ah, to be young again, starting out with your whole life ahead of you, new places, new people, new experiences, new opportunities. Do we live vicariously, through our children? 

Remember Her?

      She was born Elizabeth Ann Boomer in Chicago, Ill., the daughter of William Boomer, a traveling salesman, and his wife Hortense. She had two older brothers, Robert and William Jr.

     The family moved from Chicago to Denver, then to Michigan, where she went to school and fell in love with dancing. As a child she studied tap dance, ballroom dancing and ballet, and at age 14 began modeling at a department store. During high school she taught dancing as a counselor at summer camp, and also as a volunteer at the Mary Free Bed Home for Crippled Children.

     Her father died when she was 16. He was working under his car in their garage and fell victim to carbon monoxide poisoning -- even though the garage door was open.

     She graduated from Central High School in 1936 and, against her mother's advice, went off to the Bennington School of Dance in Bennington, Vt., where she caught the eye of Martha Graham. She moved to New York City to continue studying dance, living in Greenwich Village and Chelsea and taking modeling jobs to earn some money. She danced with the Martha Graham dance troupe and once performed with the company at Carnegie Hall.

     However, her mother remained skeptical of her career choice and urged her to come home to Michigan. They finally reached a compromise. Elizabeth would return home for six months. After that, if she still felt the pull to New York, she could go back with her mother's blessing.

     Elizabeth moved back in with her mother, who had remarried, and just as her mother thought, she became immersed in life back at home. She took a job at a department store and began teaching dance at various sites around town. Six months went by, and she did not return to New York.

    In 1942 she married childhood friend William Warren, a salesman who moved around from job to job. The young couple lived in Toledo, Ohio, then Fulton, NY, and eventually moved to Grand Rapids, Mich., where Elizabeth again took a department store job.

     Unfortunately, Warren suffered from diabetes and was also an alcoholic. In 1945 he fell into a coma and was moved to his parents' home. He struggled to recover, and for two years Elizabeth lived with her in-laws, nursing her husband back to health while holding down a job. In 1947, with Warren back at work, Elizabeth filed for divorce. They had no children.

     She began dating a World War II Navy veteran, a local lawyer who was running as a Republican for the U. S. Congress. He asked her to marry him; but insisted they wait until after he had secured the nomination -- he worried some supporters might cast a dim view of him marrying a divorced ex-model and dancer. They were then married in October 1948, a couple of weeks before the general election.

     Her husband won the election, the first of 13 terms in the House of Representatives, and they moved to Virginia, in the Washington suburbs. They went on to have three sons, Michael, John and Steven, and a daughter Susan. The parents claimed they never spanked their children, believing there were better ways to foster discipline and self-control.

     Her husband eventually became the Minority Leader in the House of Representatives, and in 1973 was appointed vice president. When Richard Nixon resigned, her husband Gerald Ford ascended to the presidency of the United States.

     Ford ran for election in 1976, but lost to Jimmy Carter. The New York Times summed up his legacy: "Mrs. Ford's impact on American culture may be far wider and more lasting than that of her husband, who served a mere 896 days, much of it spent trying to restore the dignity of the office of the president."

     Betty Ford, more than her husband, had captured the hearts and minds of the American public. She wore a mood ring, chatted on a CB radio with the handle First Mama, and made a cameo appearance on the Mary Tyler Moore Show. She held nuanced views on such controversial subjects as drugs, premarital sex and abortion, and to the consternation of some conservatives in the Republican party, she was an outspoken supporter of the Equal Rights Amendment. Yet she enjoyed huge popularity with both the press and the public. As she said during her husband's election campaign, "I would give my life to have Jerry have my poll numbers."

     Betty Ford also went public with her problems. She sought psychiatric treatment to help her deal with the stresses of being a Washington wife. She had a mastectomy for breast cancer in 1974 and raised public awareness about the disease. Later, after her husband's defeat, she admitted that she abused alcohol and prescription drugs. She went for treatment for alcoholism, and later established the Betty Ford Center in California to treat people with any kind of chemical dependency. She wrote two books: Betty: A Glad Awakening in 1987 and Healing and Hope in 2003.

     Betty Ford continued to work for women's rights, and served as chairperson of the board of the Betty Ford Center until 2005 when she relinquished the post to her daughter Susan.

     Husband Gerald died in 2006 at age 93. By that time Betty Ford had curtailed her public appearances, and she herself died of natural causes in 2011, also at age 93. She and her husband are buried at the Gerald Ford Presidential Museum in Grand Rapids, Mich.