You Retired . . . Where?

     I recently read a couple of articles about the best places to retire. For example, U. S. News rates the best cities for retirement. (Hint: most of the top ones are in Florida or, believe it or not, Pennsylvania). Wallethub focuses on the best states for retirement. (Virginia is Number 1, Florida 2, Pennsylvania 14.)

     These lists are typically based on statistics about climate, income, life expectancy, access to health care. But all these are theoreticals. I wonder what people really care about when they decide where they're going to live after they retire.

     We had neighbors who didn't know where they wanted to retire. So they sold their house, rented an RV and spent a year traveling around the country, searching for their retirement haven. They ended up in Raleigh, NC. Why? I don't know. But for them it was the place to be.

     

     We have friends from New York who retired to Charleston, SC. They told us they had always expected to move to Florida, "because that's where New Yorkers go." But they never found a place in Florida where they truly felt comfortable. Then they stopped off to see a friend in Charleston, SC. "We fell in love with the city immediately," they said. Two days later they agreed to buy a townhouse. And now, seven years later, they've built a life there . . . and their daughter has moved to Charleston as well.

     Then there's my sister-in-law who lives in Seattle. She and her husband are retiring later this year, and they're talking about moving to Costa Rica. They took a tour last fall, specifically designed for Americans who are thinking about retiring in Costa Rica. We'll see if they actually go through with it.

     I have two sisters. One moved to Florida in her 30s. And she's still there. The other worked all around the country. Her last job was in Phoenix, and so after she retired that's where she stayed.

     What's your story? Where did you move when you retired? And what led you to go there? Or, if you never moved at all, why not?

     My wife and I moved from New York to Pennsylvania. We were both born and raised in the Northeast and realized we would never be comfortable living anywhere else. Florida? The Carolinas? The West Coast? Great places to visit. But not to live. At least for us.

     We might have moved to be near our children. But we have four children between us, and they are spread out all over the country. So that wasn't in the cards.

     Still, we wanted someplace less expensive than our pricey New York suburb. We considered Cape Cod. Too cold and dreary for nine months of the year. We visited Delaware . . . kind of blah.

     We looked at half a dozen towns in New Jersey, including Cape May. But we found out it would be less expensive if we moved across the state line into Pennsylvania. So that's what we did.

     B does have some family in Pennsylvania and nearby New Jersey. That was a draw. And now, we've made plenty of new friends . . . a few of them fellow retirees from New York and New Jersey.

     That's our real-life retirement story. What's yours?

Relocating in Retirement: A Checklist

     Some friends of ours recently came to visit us from our old hometown in New York. They recently retired (in part because of Covid). He was a lawyer, she worked for a construction company -- and they're now thinking about relocating to live out their retirement years.

     They're considering moving to our part of Pennsylvania, outside of Philadelphia, for many of the same reasons we moved here:  lower taxes and cost-of-living than New York or New Jersey, but still in the familiar territory of the Northeast, with like-minded people, and close enough to occasionally drive "home" to see old friends. There are also plenty of cultural opportunities, a temperate climate, and we're near highways and a major airport so we can travel when we want to. 

     But our friends have other ideas too. They're considering Florida where one of their neighbors moved a few years ago. They're thinking about the Carolinas because they've heard good things about that part of the world. They're considering Colorado since they have a son living in Denver.

     Anyway, they were looking to us for advice. And so we came up with a kind of checklist for things to consider when scouting out a place to relocate after you retire. This is our checklist. Maybe you have some other items to suggest, items we may have missed.

     Cost of living. This one's obvious, especially if you come from a high-cost state like New York or California. Check the tax situation. Does the state tax Social Security, pensions, IRA or 401K distributions? Check out cost of housing, including real-estate taxes. Take a look at what gas prices are. And consider if there are additional expenses that go along with a new location -- travel, for example, if you'll need money to go see far-flung friends or family.

     Children and grandchildren. Some people move to be near their kids and grandkids. But this is a tricky situation, because your kids might be moving themselves for a new job or some other reason. Our friends don't have grandchildren yet. Still, they're considering Denver. But their son is in his late 20s. How long before he moves for a new job or a new girlfriend?

     Access to medical care. Is there a hospital nearby? A good medical practice that is available to you through your health insurance? Also ask around for a good dentist.

     Know the community. If you're a coastal liberal will you be happy living in the conservative South? If you're used to city living, will you really be happy in the country? Maybe you're thinking, oh, the winters in Maine, or the summers in Florida, I can handle them. But you ought to try it out before you make a permanent move. I know people who moved to Florida, only to move back north because they could not abide the summers. I know one couple that did the opposite. They retired to upstate New York, near Lake Champlain, then moved to Sarasota, Florida, after experiencing one long, cold winter.

     Rent or buy? Do you want the responsibility of homeownership, or the convenience of renting ... but then also the worry about rising rents? No matter where you move, don't neglect to consider how you're going to live there as you get older. Will you be able to handle steps? Are there easily accessible bathrooms, easy-to-open doors, plenty of lighting? Would you consider a 55+ community?

     How will you make friends? There's a reason why many people retire to a place where they have family or friends. You know someone right away; and they often provide an entree into a social circle. But beyond that, are there opportunities to find interesting people and make new friends?

     Extracurricular activities. If you like biking, make sure there are biking trails. If you're a fisherman check out the local waterways. If you're a culture vulture, check to see if there are theaters, museums, music venues, libraries, adult-education classes. Also, scope out volunteer (or part-time employment) opportunities. Even after you've retired you need something to do, something to engage your interest -- some reason to get out of bed in the morning.

     Remember, the grass is not always greener. Just because we can do something doesn't mean we have to. There's no law that says we have to relocate after we retire, and sometimes -- especially if we have family and friends in the area, and we can afford to live there -- staying in our same home is the best thing to do.

     So last we heard . . . our friends just sold their house in New York. They've rented a townhouse outside of Raleigh, NC, for a year. Then they'll see if they want to stay, or move on to Florida, or Denver, or back to Philadelphia.

Why Didn't We Retire to Florida?

     I woke up this morning and it was raining. The temperature was in the high 30s. But by 9:30 a.m. the temperature had dropped into the 20s and the rain had turned to snow. 

     Three days ago it was 70 degrees in Pennsylvania! What's going on?

Pennsylvania today

     What's going on is the change of seasons. As my wife says: Think of March as winter, not spring. Then you'll be pleasantly surprised when it's nice out, and not disappointed when it snows.

     Then she reminded me, "Your friend Bill is on Sanibel Island this week."

     "Bully for him," I grumbled.

     "And don't forget to call your sister," she said.

     My sister lives in Jacksonville, FL. She's planning a trip to New York City later in April. We're trying to make arrangements to get together.

     Meanwhile, The Players golf tournament is going on in Jacksonville this weekend. I'll catch some of it on TV, and bask vicariously in the green grass, gentle breezes and friendly palm trees of Ponte Vedra. And I'll wonder: why again didn't we retire in Florida?

     Let me count the ways.

     It's too hot. It's hard to believe right now, but most of the time it's just too hot. I remember one time I was in Sarasota on business right after Labor Day. I had to walk across a parking lot to an office building. The heat from the pavement burned through my shoes so badly that I broke into a run just to get into the shade of the building and then inside to the air conditioning. Of course, I was sweating like a pig when I arrived at my appointment. So . . . I looked it up. At that time of year the average daily high temperature is 90 degrees -- and that's in the shade, if there ever was any shade -- and the worst part is that it doesn't cool off at night.

     It's too muggy. I was in Arizona last May. The temperatures were over 100 degrees. It was hot, but bearable. But it feels hotter in Florida when it's 90 degrees than it does in Arizona when it's 100 degrees. Because of the 80% humidity. And then . . . it rains!

     It's too trashy. Except for a very few nice downtown areas in Sarasota, Naples and a scattering of other places, the typical landscape in Florida involves a six-lane thoroughfare lined with gas stations, fast-food restaurants, strip malls and motels. Florida is just butt ugly.

     

The real Florida

There's too much traffic. Those six-lane thoroughfares are choked with traffic, even out of season. And then, of course, winter arrives with its four-month infestation of SUVs from New York and New Jersey, Illinois and Indiana, Michigan and Massachusetts.

     It's too crowded. All those cars bring hordes of tourists and retirees who stand in line at restaurants, mob the amusement parks, overrun the beaches. Then out of season . . . the place is deserted. The condos are dark, the malls are empty, the beaches are a wasteland . . . yet, somehow, the roads are still choked with cars.

     Too many old people. I realize this is the pot calling the kettle black. Nevertheless, I don't think I'd like living in a place where everyone is as old as I am. I like living on our street where children play in their yards. I like going to a restaurant where young couples and groups of middle-age women liven up the place. I like walking around town and seeing teenagers bouncing into the ice-cream shoppe and young singles lining up at Starbucks.

     The algae blooms. You can't go in the water in Florida because of the red tide and other algae blooms. And now they've discovered something new: Sargassum seaweed on Florida beaches contains arsenic and other health hazards.

     Bugs, alligators, sharks and snakes. 'Nuff said.

     Too much crime. My sister told me when she comes to New York she's staying on the Upper East Side, where she'll feel safe. What I didn't tell her, but I know it's true, the crime rate in Jacksonville is higher than it is in New York City. And Jacksonville's not the worst. Miami, Daytona Beach,  Fort Myers all have more crime than Jacksonville.

     Lightning. Florida has been dubbed the lightning capital of the world, with an average of 1.45 million lightning strikes every year, more than any other state. It also has more deaths by lightning -- over 60 in the last ten years.

     Hurricanes! Florida experiences twice as many hurricanes as Texas, Louisiana or North Carolina. Hurricanes have caused billions of dollars of damage in Florida, and have killed dozens of people.

     No seasons. Florida has a semi-tropical climate. There are no bright colors of autumn, no pretty snowfalls of winter, no expectation of spring when the daffodils poke up and the forsythia start to bud . . . and most of all, there's no end of summer like there is up north when the heat and humidity break and the nights turn cool and you can finally breathe again.

     Is this beginning to sound like sour grapes? I'm not saying Florida is the worst place on earth. Think of the bright side. Florida has no volcanoes! (But there have been earthquakes.)  Besides, I have to admit, I like visiting Florida in the winter . . . and right now I'm jealous of my friend Bill. 
   

Is Your Home Retirement Ready?

     Maybe my wife and I are in denial. We've been talking to some friends lately, and it seems that everyone we know has prepared themselves for living with a disability -- or "aging in place" as they say. Meanwhile, we're cruising along in a center hall colonial that was built in the early 1960s.

     We have a yard. This afternoon we're going outside to rake leaves. Fortunately, we only have to get the leaves to the curb. Our town picks them up. Still, even though we have a small yard, we have an oak tree and a couple of maple trees, plus there's a huge tree in our next-door neighbor's yard that seems to drop most of its leaves onto our lawn. 

     Meanwhile, most of our friends have moved into a townhouse or condominium. They don't have to rake leaves at all.

     We'll see how my arthritic ankles and knees hold out for the afternoon. But my wife B says the exercise is good for me. 

     We know several people who have moved out of their family home into a one-story house. The master bedroom is on the first floor. They don't have to climb steps.

     Our bedroom is on the second floor. I go up and down the stairs at least ten times a day. Again, B says it's good for me.

Be careful!

     Actually, going up the stairs doesn't bother me. But going down is a little more difficult. I get a twinge in my knee, a crack in my ankle. I have resolved to always make sure to hold onto the bannister when negotiating the stairs. I know the last thing you want when you're our age is a fall. 

     So what about you . . . have you given up lawn care, settled into living on one floor without the hazard of stairs?

     One good thing for us: We have only one step up to enter the house. I remember when we were touring around a few years ago looking for a place to retire. We considered Charleston, SC, where we have family. Every house we looked at was built on stilts. We had to climb a full set of stairs just to get to the front door. It honestly didn't bother me at the time -- we moved to Pennsylvania for other reasons -- but today I'm glad I don't live in a house that's 12 or 14 feet off the ground.

     What about throw rugs? They are a tripping hazard in my book. But B thinks that they look nice, that they brighten up the place. We've compromised. There's a throw rug in her office, and another one in the guest room. But for the most part we have bare floors, except for the carpeting in our bedroom.

     When we redid our bathroom, I insisted on installing a grab bar. I remembered the time, six or eight years ago, when I slipped in the shower. I grabbed the soap dish and pulled it out of the wall. I went down hard, taking the shower curtain and shower rod with me, ending up sprawled over the edge of the tub. I didn't break any bones. But I had a nasty bruise from hip to shoulder -- one that took two months to clear up entirely.

Okay

     Some other things to watch out for:  Lighting. We have good lighting on our stairs. But there are darker areas in the house, and yes, I have tripped over the corner of a chair, or banged my hip on the side of a kitchen counter. But even if you have good lights, you have to turn them on to do any good. I have been known to prowl through the house at night when I can't sleep and decide I need to find the kitchen, or the bathroom ... all in the dark. 

Better

   Most of our doorknobs are the old-fashioned round ones that you twist to open or close. But we do have a levered doorknob on the front door. I don't know why. We didn't put it there. But in all honesty I do find it easier to open and close than the door to the garage which seems to simultaneously get stickier and slipperier with every passing year.

     There's definitely more for us to do to get ready for "aging in place." One thing I refuse to worry about is making the house wheelchair accessible. When and if that time ever comes, I'm heading off to a retirement community.

For Women Only

      I recently attended a book festival where I heard author Maya Shanbhag Lang talk about her book and her life -- her pregnancy, her daughter, her mother and her mother's journey into Alzheimer's. The book is a memoir called What We Carry, and I recommend it to all women, especially women who are around our age.

     I usually don't recommend books. For one thing, most people aren't interested in books -- or at least not interested enough to read them. According to the Department of Education fewer than half of Americans adults are proficient at reading. A quarter of Americans admit to never reading a book. Many others say they read or listen to just one book a year. The average book reader gets through four books per year. But the average is skewed by a few avid readers -- mostly college-educated women -- who go through a few dozen per year.

     I guess I'm a pretty avid reader. But honestly, most of the books I pick up are not academic tomes or serious literature. I gravitate toward mysteries from people like Michael Connelly and Robert Crais . . . and yeah, I admit it, I have gone through Sue Grafton from A is for Alibi to Y is for Yesterday. 

     Sometimes I read history (like The Splendid and the Vile by Erik Larson), but my latest finds are George Pelecanos, who sets his stories in Washington, DC, and Stephen Mack Jones who prowls the streets of Detroit.

     So reading Maya Shanbhag Lang was a stretch for me. It's a memoir mostly about her mother, a doctor who immigrated from India.

     To be honest, I didn't much like the first half of the book. The author drones on, charging her father with abuse, complaining about her mother's neglect, moaning about her depression.

     But then her mother starts to develop Alzheimer's. About halfway through the book the mother moves in with Maya and her husband and young daughter. That's when Maya begins to unravel the myths and false stories of her mother's life, and gets to know the real person with all her strengths and frailties.

     Eventually Maya and her brother (who doesn't do much to help) decide to put their mother into an assisted-living facility. This changes things yet again. Maya finally accepts who her mother really is and begins to appreciate all her mother has done. Maya struggles to understand the idea of home, the reality of love, the tension between self care and caring for others. This new relationship also influences how Maya sees her own daughter and affects her emotional reaction to the demands of motherhood.

     Like I said, most men will probably not be interested in the complexities and emotional ups and downs of this mother/daughter relationship. But I think a lot of women will identify with her journey. If I'm wrong, in my next post about books I'll gun for mysteries which, by all evidence, are more closely handcuffed to my own guilty pleasures.

What Do They Do Now?

      The other day we got a phone call from one of our old neighbors back in New York. She's actually my wife's friend, but I was in the car so we were both on the phone.

     The neighbor -- I'll call her Amy -- asked how we were doing, wished B a happy belated birthday. Then she blurted out: "We just sold our house!"

     "Wow, congratulations!" we chorused. "So what are you going to do now?"

     The woman was bubbling over with enthusiasm. They'd sold their suburban three-bedroom in one day. They got full asking price, which was more than either one of them expected.

     It turns her her husband John had taken retirement back in January of this year. "I myself haven't given notice yet," Amy said. "But we're ready to retire."

     We said how happy we were for them. Then B asked, "So where are you going?"

     "Oh, we don't know yet," Amy replied. "We've been thinking about moving to Cape Cod. But maybe also South Carolina. And then there's always Pennsylvania."

     Amy had grown up in Pennsylvania, outside of Philadelphia. She still has some family in the area. But they were also thinking farther afield.

     And then it dawned on me why she was calling us. She knew we had gone through the same retirement process that she and her husband were about to embark on. B and I had considered Cape Cod as a retirement home. We'd thought about South Carolina, since one of B's sons was already living there, with a new baby, our first grandchild.

     We had finally decided on Pennsylvania, partly because B has family in the area. It has a lower cost of living than New York or New Jersey. And it's not too far from our long-time home. (We were just there a couple of weeks ago, visiting old friends.)

     But here's what stopped us. We'd started looking for a place to retire a year or two before we sold our house. Then, as we'd planned, we spent a year living in a condo, while we continued our search and finally made a decision.

     But Amy and John? They've sold their house. The buyers want a November 1 closing. And as of right now they have no place to live. And do they realize that while they got top dollar on the sale of the house, they'll have to pay top dollar on any house they want to buy? Prices are high where we live in Pennsylvania. They're high in Cape Cod. They're high in South Carolina. My sister tells me they're absolutely ridiculous in Phoenix. Is there anyplace where house prices aren't out of sight?

     Also, do they realize that it takes at least a month to close on a house after they've agreed to buy it? Are they going to do like us, and rent for a year or two? If so, they have a major downsizing job in front of them.

     They have three kids. They are grown up and out on their own. But they've left a lot of the usual stuff in their parents' attic and basement. And by Amy's own admission, "I'm a bit of a packrat."

     All those questions are hanging out there. But we didn't want to rain on their parade. We're happy for them, if they're ready to retire and move to a more relaxed and perhaps less expensive area and settle down and enjoy life. But I think they're putting themselves pretty far out on a limb. They have a lot of work ahead of them, don't you think?

Where Did You Retire?

     We read so many articles about the best places to retire. The lists are typically based on statistics about climate, income, life expectancy, access to health care. But all these are theoreticals. I wonder what people really care about when they decide where they're going to live after they retire.

     I remember my parents disagreed about where they were going to retire. My mom wanted to move to warm, sandy Florida. My dad wanted cool, blustery Cape Cod. They solved the problem by selling their suburban home and buying a place in Florida along with a summer cottage in Cape Cod. They spent eight months in Florida and four months in Cape Cod. When they got into their 80s and couldn't handle two places, they finally settled in Florida.

     We had neighbors back then who didn't know where they wanted to retire. So they sold their house, rented an RV and spent a year traveling all around the country, searching for their retirement haven. They ended up in Greenville, SC. Why? I don't know. But for them it was the place to be.

     We have friends from New York who retired to Charleston, SC. They told us they had always expected to move to Florida, "because that's where New Yorkers go when they retire." They took several trips to Florida looking for a retirement location, but never settled on anything. On the last trip, they stopped in Charleston on the way home to see an old friend. "We fell in love with the city immediately," they told me. Two days later they agreed to buy a townhouse outside of Charleston. And now, five years later, they are happily living in the townhouse . . . and one of their children has now moved to Charleston as well. 

     I have two sisters. One moved to Florida in her 30s. And she's still there. The other moved all over the country and beyond. Her last job was in Phoenix, and after she retired that's where she stayed. I don't know if she really feels like Phoenix is home; but she has a grandchild there now so that's where she's gonna be.

     So what's your story? Where did you move when you retired? And what led you to go there? Or, if you never moved at all, why not?

     My wife and I moved from New York to Pennsylvania. We were both born and raised in the Northeast and realized we would never be comfortable living anywhere else. Florida? The Carolinas? The West Coast? Great places to visit. But not to live. At least for us.

    But we wanted someplace a little less expensive than our pricey New York suburb. We considered Cape Cod. Too cold and dreary for nine months of the year. We visited Annapolis, MD. It's pretty expensive there, and seemed kind of cliquey. We looked at half a dozen places in New Jersey, including Cape May. But then we found out it's a lot less expensive if you just move across the state line into Pennsylvania. 

     So that's what we did. To be honest, we might have moved to be near our children. But we have four children between us, and they are spread out all over the country. So that wasn't in the cards. B does have some family in Pennsylvania and nearby New Jersey. That was a draw. And now, occasionally, my son is able to drive an hour west from Brooklyn, and I can drive an hour east from Pennsylvania, and we'll meet up in New Jersey for a round of golf. 

     That's our real-life retirement story. What's yours?

Interesting Facts and Figures

      I ran across a report entitled Older Americans: Key Indicators of Well Being. It came out last fall, so it's possible you're a step ahead of me and have already seen it. But a lot of this information is new to me. The report acknowledges that it does not include the effects of Covid-19. But it does contain the most current data available.

     Here are a dozen highlights you might find interesting:

     There are roughly 52 million people age 65 and over living in the United States today, accounting for 16% of the population. That compares to just 35 million people in 2000 -- and a projected 73 million, or 21% of the population, ten years from now.

     Less than half of women 65 and over are married. The married rate for women is 46%, compared to 71% of men who are married. Some 32% of women are widowed, and 11% of men.

     About 30% of people 65 and over have a four-year college degree, and 86% have a high school degree.

     Older people have a lower rate of poverty than any other age group -- just 9% of people age 65 - 74, and 14% for people age 85 and over. Overall, the poverty rate of people 65 and over has decreased from 15% in 1974 to 10% today.

     Social Security benefits for women have changed dramatically, from spouse-only or widow-only benefits to earned worker benefits. Today some 80% of female beneficiaries get earned worker benefits.

     We're getting wealthier. Since 1989 the median net worth, adjusted for inflation, of households headed by people age 65 and over has increased by 60% -- from $158,225 to $253,800.

     On average, for people age 65 and over, some 33% of their income went to housing, 14% to transportation, 13% to health care, 13% to food. For those who are older, age 75 and over, the figures are 36% for housing, 16% for health care, 13% for food and 12% for transportation.

     Life expectancy has increased for everyone -- men and women, white, black, Hispanic and Asian. In just the last decade alone, life expectancy for men at age 65 has increased from 17.2 years to 18.1 years. For women the increase is 19.9 years to 20.7 years. (But Covid has no doubt changed these numbers, at least temporarily.)

    Death rates for heart disease, cancer and diabetes have gone down. Death rates for Alzheimer's disease and injuries have gone up. (About 7.5% of people 65 and over not living in nursing homes are reported to have dementia.)

     About 22% of people age 65 and over report some kind of disability -- vision, hearing, mobility, cognition.

     Only 14% of people 65 and over participated in physical activity that meets recommended guidelines. The obesity rate has increased from 22% in 1990 to 40% today.

     Some 13% of people age 65 to 74 admit to limiting their driving to daytime hours because of their vision or health. (Okay, I admit it! Well . . . I will drive at night; but I prefer to drive in daylight, especially on unfamiliar roads.) Meanwhile, only 41% of people 85 and over limit their driving to the daytime. (IMHO that figure should be higher . . . I remember my dad driving when he was in his late 80s, it was a scary ride!) 

     If you want to know more about the lifestyles of older Americans, you can check out the report yourself at Older Americans 2020: Key Indicators of Well Being. It's only, um, 184 pages long.

"But I Might Need It Someday!"

      When  I was younger I liked to go sailing. I never owned a boat. But I had a friend who sailed out of Stamford, CT, and he took me on a couple of weekend trips up to Block Island and Cape Cod. One summer I  took a series of sailing lessons on the Hudson River, and another summer I rented a small sailboat which I used to tool around Long Island Sound.

     Sometimes, when I dreamed of sailing away into the sunset, I'd wonder if I could fit all my possessions onto a boat. I thought I probably could. A few clothes -- not many, since I would be sailing into the southern latitudes. A few provisions, a bag of books, one box of memorabilia.

     I never got a chance to prove it because I never sailed away into the sunset. That's probably a good thing, for many reasons, not least of which is that it's easier to downsize in your head than it is to downsize in reality.

     But I do remember downsizing from our four-bedroom house into a one-bedroom condominium. We got rid of a  lot of stuff, put a lot more into a storage locker, and crammed the rest into our condo. It was hard.

     I'm sure many of you have been through the process yourselves. What was the hardest part of downsizing for you?

     As we tossed out stuff, we kept saying, "But we might need this again someday." Or else it would be, "But I paid $700 for these . . . " You fill in the blank. Sports equipment, musical instruments, special furniture.  Or else we'd say, "But the kids might want this dining set from Aunt Martha." 

     We managed to get rid of a lot. But we still found that when we upsized again, into a small house, we ended up giving away or tossing out a few items from the condo and at least half the stuff we'd stashed in the storage locker.

Some of my decluttering sins

     I realized, the biggest enemy of downsizing are the words: "We might need this again someday."

     But the fact is, you probably won't. And if you do, it will be easier to buy a new one than dig out the old one -- one that might not work anyway. We have several pieces of audio equipment to prove it. Some speakers, a CD player, an old radio. But now we get our music on an iPhone, or through our Google Play, or via Youtube. Those speakers are still moldering away down in the basement.

     Here's one suggestion I read about. Put your least-used "I might need it someday" into boxes and store them somewhere. Maybe you can exchange some boxes with a similar-minded friend. You each store the other's boxes in your basement. After a year or two, you can revisit your boxes and decide if you still want to keep them. Chances are you won't.

     As for those other words: "But I paid $700 for those . . . " I'll tell you about my son. He was a musician in high school and college. We'd invested literally thousands of dollars in guitars, drums, amps, mixers and other equipment. He didn't want them anymore. They were outdated. So I tried to sell some of it. Nobody would buy it, but I managed to give away some of the stuff. However, I just could not bring myself to let go of the saxophone that had been glued to his hip for 15 years, or the banjo that he decided he just had to learn to play in 11th grade.

     I'm no expert on decluttering. I've just been through it. And so I can tell you. Get rid of the just-in-cases. Get rid of the but-I-paid-so-much-for-this. Divest yourself of the old coin collection or photo equipment if you're no longer interested in the hobby. Give away the clothes that no longer fit. Toss all the stuff that's outdated or doesn't work anymore. And take the hint: If your kids don't want it, neither do you.

Best Places to Retire: 2021

     Many of us know where we're going to retire -- or we've already retired and settled into our retirement home. A lot of people just stay in their hometown after they retire, because that's where their friends and family are. Or, if we like the warm weather, it's no secret that Florida and Arizona are popular places to relocate.

     Nevertheless, there are some objective criteria for deciding on a good retirement destination. Most retirees live on a fixed income, so for many of us it's important to be in a place with a low cost of living. We also know that we'll need more health care as time goes on, so we want access to good medical facilities.

     U. S. News recently came out with a list of best places to retire. Seven out of the top ten places, and 12 out of the top 20, are located in Florida. So anyone retiring to Florida must be doing okay. Sarasota takes top honors, with Fort Myers, Port St. Lucie and Naples following close behind.

In my dreams

     I know Florida is a popular retirement destination. But I'm surprised that many cities make the list. And I'm surprised that no place in Washington or Oregon cracks the top 20 -- a lot of people have retired to the Pacific Northwest.

     The locations in the top 20, according to U S. News, that are not in Florida are:

     # 5 Lancaster, PA, an affordable small city with a college campus and well-regarded hospital, surrounded by bucolic farms.

     # 7 Ann Arbor, MI, home to the University of Michigan with plenty of culture -- and plenty more sports.

     # 8 Asheville, NC, nestled in the Blue Ridge with moderate weather and plenty of outdoor activities.

     # 11 Myrtle Beach, SC, with mild weather, miles of beaches and millions of golf courses.

     # 12 Nashville, TN, featuring a notable music scene and excellent health care.

     # 14 Manchester, NH, with New England charm and nearby skiing.

     # 18 Dallas, TX, offering a mix of suburban lifestyle, urban culture and taste of the cowboy life.

     # 19 Chattanooga, TN, benefitting from urban renewal, coupled and lots of outdoor recreation.

     Another top ten list, from Forbes, identifies a more geographically diverse 25 best places to retire. Only three Florida cities make the grade: Sarasota, Jacksonville and Orlando. Instead, the Forbes list features a lot of places that are not in the Sunbelt and don't get as much attention, from Pittsburgh, PA to Columbus, OH, Evansville, IN, Jefferson City, MO, Fargo, ND, Boise, ID. 

Get real

   Forbes also taps two Arizona locales for its list: Green Valley, near Tucson, and Mesa, near Phoenix.

     Money Magazine just came out with a new list. The top three are:

     # 1 Madison, the capital of Wisconsin and home to the Badgers.

     # 2 Largo, near Tampa.

     #3 Lower Marion, a Philadelphia suburb.

     Money includes a few of the usual suspects on its retirement list, like Boise and Ashville. But get this: Bridgewater, NJ, makes the Money top ten list. That's the first time I've ever seen a place in New Jersey mentioned on any list of best places to retire.

     So I looked it up. Wallethub ranks New Jersey as the absolute worst state to retire in, right behind New York and Mississippi. (The top three Wallethub states are Florida, Colorado and Delaware.)  But a little more research finds that while there is a lot of traffic in New Jersey, and the cost of living is high, the state offers excellent health care and, the Sopranos notwithstanding, actually enjoys a surprisingly low crime rate.

       Dave Ramsey, the financial guru and radio personality, came out with his own list. He puts four Florida cities in his top ten. He also offers some familiar names like Lancaster, Ashville, Nashville and Dallas.

     If you don't find your town or city on any ten-best list . . . not to worry. It really doesn't matter. The best advice I ever saw about where to retire doesn't cite any states or cities. Instead, it boils the process down to five criteria: 

     # 1 Make sure it's a place you can afford.

     # 2 It should have good access to health care.

     # 3 You should have some friends and family in the  area.

     # 4 There should be some interesting things for you to do -- fishing or golf, the theater or the opera -- whatever it is that makes you happy. 

     # 5 It should be a place where you either have, or will develop, an emotional attachment. In other words, whether it's a place you've lived a long time, or if you're just moving there, you want the place to feel like home.

     The point is, the best place to retire is entirely personal. It depends on your family, your interests, your financial situation. And mostly importantly, your "feel." Why, for some people, the perfect place to retire could even be . . . New Jersey!

Top 10 Places to Retire 2030

     Yes, that's right. Not the best places in 2020, but the best places ten years from now.

     We all know that today the most popular place to retire is Florida. Warm weather. Low taxes. Lots of golf courses. Plenty of beaches. What's not to like? Florida is followed by Arizona, then Texas, then the Carolinas. Retirees are drawn by the low cost of living, the warm weather, the recreational activities.

     But things are changing. Florida and the Gulf Coast are pummeled by more and more hurricanes and tropical storms. Arizona has been roasting in 100 degree heat all summer, with Phoenix topping 110 on more than 50 days.

     Will retirees really want to move into an area where the flood waters rise, forcing them to evacuate as soon as they arrive? Will they want to bake in the hot sun of the Southwest . . . or, just in case anyone can afford to retire to California, risk the fires and rolling blackouts of the West Coast?

     According to most experts, the country is getting hotter. Climate journalist Abraham Lustgarten in an article for ProPublica and the New York Times, says that Buffalo, NY (believe it or not!), "may feel in a few decades like Tempe, Ariz., does today." Meanwhile, Tempe itself will be sweating away in the triple digits.  

Buffalo, NY, street scene

   He also says that extreme humidity in the Mississippi valley, from New Orleans north, will make living conditions unbearable. Fresh water will be in short supply throughout the West and also across Florida, Tennessee and Alabama. He sees California-type megafires threatening the South from Texas to Georgia.

     While some parts of the U. S. bake in the heat, rising sea levels will chew up shorelines along the East and Gulf coasts, swamping many coastal areas and infiltrating underground aquifers. One estimate projects that high water will force some 13 million Americans to move away from the coastline.

     Experts predict the recent migration of retirees toward the coasts, and toward warmer weather, will reverse. Now instead of retiring to Florida or Arizona, people will head north. They will seek cooler summers. They will avoid fire-prone regions and shy away from low-lying areas subject to flooding.  

     So where will people be retiring in 2030? Okay . . . nobody really knows. But here's a good guess.

     1. Minnesota. The land of 1000 lakes is already rated high on many retirement lists for its low crime rate and great medical care (think Mayo Clinic). Minnesota residents also enjoy the longest life expectancy of any people in the country. Jesse Keenan, Harvard climate-change professor, seriously suggests Duluth as a promising location. He says the city should brace for a coming real-estate boom as climate migrants move north.

     2. Colorado. The state is high and dry, with clear air and access to plenty of recreational activities. There are good medical facilities and a wide array of cultural offerings. According to the Business Insider website Colorado has already become the quarantine location of choice, mostly for people moving from Texas and the West coast.

     3. Northern Florida. In 2030 people will still like the sun and warm breezes. Southern Florida will be awash in brackish water, with cities like Miami and Ft. Lauderdale separated from a beachless waterfront by huge concrete walls. But northern Florida is protected from the hurricanes, has more access to drinking water, and has a slightly more temperate climate. Lustgarten thinks Orlando alone may receive more than a quarter million new residents as a result of sea-level displacement, and it's possible that the Atlantic coast north of Cape Canaveral may still be habitable.

     4. Coastal Oregon and Washington. According to Lustgarten the migration from California, particularly Southern California, to the Pacific Northwest will only increase as people look for a better economy and more temperate climate. The megalopolis of Seattle will essentially merge with Vancouver to its north.

     5. Idaho. Another refuge for West coasters looking for clearer air, cooler temperatures, lower crime rate . . . and its up-and-coming wine country is not threatened by constant fires.

     6. Michigan. Lustgarten suggests Michigan has a climate that will only get "more temperate, verdant and inviting." He predicts a renaissance for currently downtrodden Detroit.

     7. Wisconsin. Almost as good as Minnesota, with plenty of drinkable water, cooler temperatures and a healthy lifestyle. Madison is home to a top university, while Milwaukee on Lake Michigan offers an underused infrastructure that could be brought back to life.

     8. Pennsylvania. The state has the cultural and seasonal advantages of the Northeast, without the high taxes and high cost of living. New Yorkers are already fleeing the city to settle in eastern Pennsylvania . . . close enough to the ocean to visit, but far enough away to avoid the storms and floods. Like football? Penn State hosts Big Ten sports (as does Wisconsin, Michigan and Minnesota).

     9. Vermont. It has the Green mountains and a green lifestyle . . . and according to Lustgarten, will soon have a more temperate climate. 

     10. Upstate New York. Cities like Rochester and Buffalo could revitalize an already-existing infrastructure, and offer safe, secure neighborhoods overlooking Lake Erie and Lake Ontario -- all with, you guessed it, cooler summers and milder winters.  

Why Do Blue State Liberals Retire to Red States?

     My nephew who moved from New York to South Carolina after he graduated from college puts transplanted Northerners into their own category. They are not Southerners, he says. They are Northerners who now live in the South.

     In other words, these transplants -- many of them retirees -- do not adapt to the customs and attitudes of the South. They bring their northern sensibilities with them, and often segregate themselves into gated communities or golf course developments -- or go to a university town like Athens or Austin.

     When he took a job on Hilton Head Island, SC, my nephew lived off island where he could afford a place, with locals who were for the most part true Southerners. He commuted to Hilton Head where almost everyone came from the Northeast or upper Midwest.

     Let's face it, there is a certain amount of snobbery among Northerners who retire to the South. Presumably the same could be said for Californians who retire to Arizona or Oregon. I don't think the Southerners or Westerners mind the snobbery so much. But many of them fear that the Northerners, or Californians, will bring their liberal values with them, which involve high taxes and big, intrusive government.

    So why do northern, or bi-coastal, retirees migrate to Red states? Some go to be with family . . . their kids have moved for a job in Dallas or Denver, or Raleigh or Atlanta. But most retirees from the North move because they want warmer weather. And now that they don't have to live near their high-paying jobs in Boston or New York, or Chicago or Cleveland, they can move to a less stressful, more laid-back area of the country.

     No doubt they also move for a lower cost of living. They may be tired of paying high state income taxes as well as $10,000 or $15,000 a year in real-estate taxes -- or maybe, now without a job, they simply can't afford the high cost of living. Maybe they say they want to support education, but since their kids are no longer in the school system, they don't have a personal stake in education and so they really don't want to pay for it.

     Is this liberal hypocrisy? Well, maybe that's one way to look at it. But you really can't blame these people, can you?

     So do Southerners really have to worry that northern liberals are going to bring their big city problems with them, or that they're going to "gentrify" the South, and the interior West as well, and run the locals out?

     A recent poll found that 44% of people in New Jersey, and 50% in Connecticut, express an interest in leaving their state. The Berkeley Institute of Governmental Studies found that 52% of Californians are considering migrating to another state. According to the New York Times, more than 7.3 million Californians have actually left the state since 2007. That's as many people as the entire state of Arizona!

     Is it possible that the Blue staters are bringing their politics with them? The people from California -- many but not all of whom are retirees -- are now fleeing to Nevada, Colorado and Arizona. The people from New Jersey and Connecticut are going to Florida and North Carolina. And these are exactly the Red states that are trending toward purple, if not blue, as their populations increase with out-of-staters.

     But not so fast. The Berkeley poll also found a sharp difference between the people who want to leave their Blue states and those who want to stay. It's the conservatives and the moderates who are most unhappy and most anxious to leave. The liberals for the most part think their Blue state is just fine, and they are happy to stay where they are. So, for example, the breakdown for California is: 38% of Democrats are considering leaving, compared to 55% of independents and 71% of Republicans.

     If this poll reflects reality, then maybe the question is wrong. Blue state liberals are not, by and large, retiring to Red states. Blue state conservatives are retiring to Red states. If that's the case, then instead of making Red states more liberal, the migrants may actually widen the Red and Blue divide -- bolstering the conservative-to-moderate populations of the Red states while leaving the liberals behind to make the Blue states even more liberal.

     Perhaps we all have some personal experience with this phenomenon. Certainly, several of my old New York friends are liberal elites who wouldn't dream of moving to states that they consider backward (cue Deliverance.) I also know a few who have moved to Red states who complain vociferously about the "right wing" government and their "right wing" policies.

     I also know people who have retired to Georgia and Florida and Texas who are perfectly happy with their new adopted states, and now wouldn't consider living anywhere else. But when I think about it . . . I believe they all live in a gated community, a golf course development, or a university town like Athens or Austin.

Dreams on the Beach

     I haven't been posting as often as I usually do, because I'm on vacation.

     "Wait a minute!" my kids ask me. "How can you go on vacation when you're already retired? You're always on vacation!"

     The answer is . . . well, you probably know what the answer is. When you're home, even though you're retired, you still have responsibilities. The house. The part-time job. The volunteer commitments. The church or club you belong to. You know, the usual schedule.

     When you're on vacation you break your routine. You do different things. And you dream more.

My dream house at the beach

     When we come to the beach, we always dream of owning a beach house.

Or maybe something a little different

     We have decided, from a practical point of view, that we're not going to do that. There's simply too much money involved. Too much time. Too much worry, especially if you've got ocean-front property. But that doesn't stop me from dreaming.

Something more modest?

     Some beachfront spots are luxury resorts, where all the houses are big and expensive.

No ... this is too much

     Some others, like where we go in South Carolina, are more eclectic. The rich and the poor live next to one another -- although even modest homes by the beach are usually pretty expensive. Which, again, is why we don't own a home at the beach. We can only afford to rent a home at the beach . . . out of season.

How about a hidden gem?

     One thing to know. The newer homes are all built on pilings. Many of the older homes are ground level. Occasionally you'll see an older home being raised up on stilts. More often the older home is razed, and a newer, bigger house goes up in its place.

This one needs maintenance

     I'm amazed that despite all the talk of global warming and rising sea waters, people still invest literally millions of dollars to put up a house within a few feet of high tide.

They're still building

     I wonder what their thinking is. Maybe they don't believe in global warming. Maybe they have so much money they don't care if they lose it. Maybe they can rent it out and make a profit ... and let the future take care of itself.

One for sale. Don't ask the price. You can't afford it!

     Whatever the reason, the home insurance on a beachfront property must be enormous. But maybe it's still a bargain -- you pony up a few thousand dollars a year, but when the hurricane comes the government pays to rebuild your house, maybe bigger and better than before.

They all seem very exposed

     I don't know. Still, I'm fascinated by beachfront homes. Are you? Which one would you pick? Realistically, I don't really want one. But . . . wouldn't it be nice?

Best States to Retire In -- 2020

     Okay, we all know that these lists are flawed. First of all, for most people, the best place to retire is right where they are already living, where they have family and long-time friends. If retirees do move it's often to follow children or grandchildren who have moved away, usually for a job.

     Then there is the category of "state," which can be quite uninformative. Living in New York City is an entirely different experience from living in the Finger Lakes region of upstate New York. Coastal California is a whole other world compared to the Central Valley.

     Nevertheless, a state ranking does provide some useful information. For example, when we retired we wanted to stay in the Northeast, near friends and at least some of our family - but not someplace super-cold like Maine or Vermont. We looked at several towns in New Jersey, including a couple on the Jersey Shore. We took a few trips to Maryland and the Washington, DC area. But we discovered that housing and taxes are just as high, if not higher, in New Jersey and Maryland as they are in New York and Connecticut. So we eventually focused on Pennsylvania, where taxes and the cost of living are lower, there are plenty of cultural opportunities, and we're still within shouting distance of our old haunts.

     So with that in mind, I ran across several new state rankings for retirement in 2020. As you might expect, they do not always agree with one another, mostly because they use different criteria. Some focus on affordability; others use weather or quality of life as the most important factors.

     Even using the same factors, they don't always make sense. For example, listed as the "most expensive" states to retire in are: New York, Vermont, New Jersey, Rhode Island and Minnesota. Where are California and Hawaii, two states with the highest cost of living?

Florida

     So with all those caveats, here is a summary on the Ten Best states, and the Ten Worst, based on an "observational study" averaging several other studies to come up with a general, overall list. If your state is not among the Ten Best or Ten Worst, you can assume it's about average in terms of weather, affordability, quality of life and access to health care.

     The Number 1 state for retirement is no surprise: Florida. Almost everyone ranks it number one, including the almost 100,000 retirees who move there every year for the low taxes, the low cost of living, the warm weather and generally good health care (although not everyone likes Florida, see Why I'll Never Move to Florida.)

     Two states tie for the Number 2 position: Iowa and Idaho. They're not for people who like warm weather, but they offer other benefits such as low cost of living, low crime rates and good access to health care. But these two states might be considered undiscovered gems. On average, only about 6,000 retirees move to Idaho in a year, and fewer still to Iowa.

     Two other surprises on the Top Ten list are North Dakota and New Hampshire, both of which suffer bitter winters, but enjoy low cost of living, low crime rates and ready access to health care.

     Rounding out the Top Ten best states for retirement are: Vermont, Nebraska, Pennsylvania, North Carolina and Texas.

     As if to confirm these rankings, a separate list rates the best "places" to retire. Florida scores four cities among the top ten (Ft. Myers, Sarasota, Port St. Lucie and Jacksonville). North Carolina has two: Ashville and Winston-Salem. Texas (Dallas), Michigan (Grand Rapids) and Pennsylvania (Lancaster) each have one on the list.

     A surprise (to me at least) is that, of the five or six Top Ten lists I consulted, only one mentioned Arizona as a great state to retire in. But retirees themselves seem to disagree. Arizona ranks second behind Florida as the state where most retirees actually move.

     And the Ten Worst?

     New Mexico, Maryland and Connecticut rank among the ten states that are tough on retirees.

Louisiana

     Ranked even worse are New York, Rhode Island, New Jersey, California, West Virginia, Illinois.

     And, by general consensus, the absolute worst state to retire in is . . . Louisiana.

     But before you start to argue with me, consider this. There are three states that rank as one of the Top Ten places to retire on one list, and then as one of the Ten Worst on another. They are Hawaii, Alabama and Tennessee. That's, no doubt, because different lists emphasize different criteria. If you have a lot of money and don't mind living on an island, then Hawaii might top your list. If you're a country music fan, maybe Tennessee.

     If you don't find any of this satisfying, then maybe you'd consider one of the top countries to retire to, at least according to one list: Spain, Portugal, Switzerland or New Zealand. In the end, it's all up to you.

Playing by Different Rules

     B and I are having a dinner party next week. Well, it's not exactly a party. Three of my old friends are coming to visit. We're going to play golf together. Then they're coming over to our house for dinner and a round of poker. They're staying overnight in a local motel, and we're playing golf again the next morning before they go home.

     These guys are part of my old crowd of about eight or nine of us who used to play golf and poker together. When we played poker we took turns hosting -- the host would provide the house, the dining room table, some poker chips -- and when we first started out the host would also supply pizza and beer and a couple of family size bags of potato chips.

     We played together for 25 years before people started retiring and moving away, and finally the group kind of broke up -- although I know a few of the guys still get together occasionally to play golf. Anyway, slowly, over time, people started to up the ante on the evening's cuisine. One of the wives decided that pizza was too low class, and she made it her job to broil up a platter of chicken legs and wings and mix a green salad.

My idea

     Then one of our original players dropped out of the game, and we replaced him with another friend who turned out to be a vegetarian. His wife prepared a sophisticated vegetarian stew, preceded by appetizers featuring various cheeses, flavored hummus and  European-style crackers. She also put out a bottle of wine -- for the more refined palates.

     Meantime, while this gradual improvement in our culinary routine was going on, I was getting divorced, moving into a condo, and sticking resolutely to the routine of pizza, chips and beer. When I got together with B, and she found out about the poker game, she immediately decided that pizza wouldn't do. She wanted to cook. I discouraged her, not wanting to prevail upon her good nature to feed my friends. We reached an impasse. She did cook for my crowd a few times. Other times, especially if she was busy with her own activities, she bowed out, and I just followed my old routine of pizza and chips.

     But of course, that was then. And this is now.

     When she caught wind of my plans to have the guys over, she went into overdrive in planning a menu that would impress the Queen of England.

     I tried to discourage her. "Really," I told her, "you slaving over a hot stove for this group of guys is not what I was thinking about then we made these plans. You don't have to do that."

     "Oh, yes I do," she responded. "And I don't mind. I like to cook."

     "Yeah, but I don't want to be the one causing you to have to do a whole lot of extra work."

     "It's no big deal," she assured me. "I enjoy doing it. I'll cook up some pasta primavera, make a salad. I'll bake a pumpkin pie. I'm just wondering what I should serve for hors d'oeuvres."

     "No, that's too much," I protested. "It's too much work."

     "No, not really," she insisted. "I've got plenty of time to get ready."

     "Okay . . . I guess," I said. Then, trying to compromise, I offered, "But we don't need dessert and we surely don't need hors d'oeuvres. These guys expect pizza and potato chips, nothing else.You're already exceeding expectations."

     I was thinking about people's expectations and their judgments, and . . . what's good enough. In my mind, these guys were expecting to have a good time playing golf and cards and joking around. They were most certainly not expecting a gourmet meal.

Her idea

     But B plays with a different rule book. She looked at me and said, "It's okay for you to serve pizza. It's not okay for me to serve pizza."

     "Why not?" I asked innocently.

     "Because, like it or not, we live in a society that still judges women differently from men. You can serve pizza. I can't serve pizza."

     "But they're not bringing their wives. You don't have to impress the women. It's just the guys."

     She said nothing. She just gave me a look . . . you know the look, the look that says I'm clueless but she loves me anyway.

     "Well, at least let's try to keep it simple," I finally said, giving up, "so you don't have to do too much extra work."

     "You're not making me do extra work. I want to do this. Now, I'm thinking about the hors d'oeuvres."

     "Ah," I said, brightening. "So at least let me take care of the hors d'oeuvres. I've got them covered. I'll get a family size potato chips . . . and maybe some dip too."

     "Yeah, okay, get some chips," she smiled indulgently. "Now let's see," she murmured to herself, "maybe I can drive over to Altamonte's and pick up one of their special cheese plates."

Should This Couple Downsize?

     We were at a wedding reception recently and sat down with another couple from our old hometown. We know them, but not too well. They are a few years younger than we are, and they live in a big house in one of the pricier neighborhoods in the area.

     Of course, they wanted to know why we moved to Pennsylvania, and so we filled them in on our recent move to downsize to a smaller home, in a place where the cost of living, and especially the tax burden, is considerably less. They were interested in our experience and eager for advice.

     They had raised their three children in a New York suburb. Now they were rattling around in their big house and thinking about downsizing. They had vacationed on Cape Cod a number of times, and were thinking about moving to the area. In fact, they had been on the Cape for a couple of weeks this summer, and had seen a cottage one block from the water that they liked.

     "It's a really nice little place," said the wife, "with two bedrooms upstairs and a bedroom downstairs with a bathroom. We'd take the downstairs bedroom, so we wouldn't have to do stairs, and then the kids could stay upstairs when they came to visit."

     "It's smaller than your house in Westchester?" I asked.

     "Oh yeah," said the husband. "We'd be going from 3500 square feet to 1500 square feet. But what do we need more room for, at this point?" he asked rhetorically.

     "But I don't suppose things are much less expensive in Cape Cod," I ventured.

     "Oh, you'd be surprised. Not income tax. But the real-estate tax on the Cape Cod house is less than $5,000, compared to over $15,000 for our current New York house."

     "But what about our friends?" the wife wanted to know. turning to B. "Do you keep up with your old friends in Westchester? And were you able to make new friends?"

     So we explained how we'd considered moving into a planned community, with a clubhouse and a pool and built-in social groups, where we would almost automatically make new friends. But in the end we decided we wanted to be in a real town, with sidewalks, where we could walk to the restaurants, movie theater and library.

     How did that work out for you? they wanted to know.

     It was probably a little harder than moving to a place where your social life is already set up for you, we explained. But B has met plenty of people through church and the local women's group. And I joined a golf league and found a place where they play ping pong once a week. And we both have become involved in our senior learning center where we've met some like-minded people.

     Then we told them we get back to Westchester three or four times a year and meet up with old friends for dinner or some other occasion. A few friends have come to visit us in our new digs. It's a 2 1/2 hour drive, so they can do it in one day if they don't mind a five-hour round trip. Or several have come down and stayed overnight, either with us or at an airbnb.

     They brightened up when they heard about that, since they figured they'd have no problem attracting their old friends to come visit them on Cape Cod, even though it is a little farther away from home -- about 4 hours. And they liked the idea of  settling in a town. The house they were interested in was one block off the main street, near a church they could join.

     So, thinking about Cape Cod, I asked them if they liked to sail or go fishing. No, they said. They liked being near the water. But they were not big on boating or fishing. But the husband already had his eye on a golf course -- he'd played it once, and saw that there were several leagues. He felt he could find a group of guys to play with. He even thought he might get a part-time job at one of the golf clubs, in the golf shop or working on the course.

     Still and all, they were having second -- and third -- thoughts about moving from the home where they'd lived for 25 years, where they raised their kids and where their kids stored all their old toys, stuffed animals, high-school reports -- and the athletic gear they hadn't used in years but assured their parents they would use again, just as soon as they got a chance.

     But, like us, they have kids who have left home -- one in Virginia, one in New Jersey, and one on the West Coast. And they didn't have any grandchildren yet, so they didn't feel the urge to move to be near any one of the kids. Besides, they said, you never know when the kids are going to move again for a new job. None of them had bought a house yet; and they'd all moved at least twice since leaving college. They figured if they moved near any of the children, the kids would only up and move away again.

Our garage after we moved

     But still, the wife thought maybe they should wait to make their move, until they did start to have grandchildren. That way they could move near the new family that would be more likely to stay put.

     And the kids themselves were resisting the idea of their parents moving to Massachusetts. They wanted to have a home base when they came back to see their friends, several of whom were still around, or if they wanted to take a trip to New York City.

     And this couple also found the prospect of downsizing rather daunting. They had a four-bedroom house with a finished and furnished basement -- and probably very little of it would fit into a smaller New England home. And they had shelves and shelves of their kids' books and trophies and toys and equipment. Were they ready to deal with all that, or insist their kids come home and deal with it?

     When the reception was over, after the speeches and the cake and the dancing, we said goodbye to our friends and wished them well. On the way home, B and I talked about them, wondering if they were really ready to make the big move, or if they were just dreaming.

     We know that, despite all the people we know who move to the Sunbelt, or the articles we've read about downsizing, that in the end most people choose to stay where they are after they retire. A Freddie Mac study from a couple of years ago showed that over 60% of older homeowners said they would prefer to age in place, rather than move to new quarters. It's the easiest option. You don't have to say goodbye to your friends. You don't have to find a new place to live. You don't have to clean out your basement or garage or attic, and confront your kids about leaving behind their childhood home.

Downsizing? It's never over. -- my closet today.

     I remember when my first wife and I sold our family home, soon after our daughter went away to college. My daughter was devastated. "What do you care?" I asked her. "You've moved away, and you're in college now."

     "I know," she said sadly. "But I've lived in that house my whole life. It's my home."

     That certainly gave us pause. But in the end we had to do the right thing for us, which was to move to smaller, cheaper quarters because it was a turbulent time, in the post-9/11 political and economic atmosphere. Or, to put it bluntly, I was losing my job, and we had to consolidate our finances.

     Anyway . . . we thought that this couple was serious about moving. They seemed to have things figured out, as much as possible, and I also noted that the woman got a gleam in her eye when she talked about that house they were interested in. That's usually a telling sign.

     We'll be interested to find out, next time we're back home in New York, if these people made the move, or decided to stay where they are, at home in their familiar community.