Lethargy has set in. I sit around the house. It's an effort just to get up out of a chair, go upstairs and find my book. I'm tired of reading anyway. I've been reading twice as many books as I normally do, spending an hour or more in the morning lounging in a chair, drinking coffee and reading a book . . . and sometimes staring into space because it's hard to focus these days.
We also spend too much time watching TV. The highlight of our day comes at 7:30 p.m., when we finish dinner and get to turn on Netflix or Amazon prime. We've watched an embarrassingly large number of videos: Babylon Berlin, Fauda, Dead to Me, Call My Agent, Wonderland, Offspring, Schitt's Creek The list goes on and on.
Now we're getting sick and tired of watching TV. We typically only last through Season One of any series before we get jittery. We feel like we have to move on to the next one. We're so easily bored these days.
|Do you feel trapped?|
And then there's way too much time just sitting around and . . . doing nothing. Too much time to think about the past and regret the stupid things we did when we were young -- the opportunities we may have missed, the people we may have let down. Too much time to worry about the kids and what they're doing and how this pandemic is going to affect their lives for now and forevermore. Too much time to wonder about what's going to happen to us. Are we going to be forced to spend our retirement years living like shut-ins, robbed of the excitement of travel, the joys of grandchildren, the satisfaction of helping in the community?
B and I have talked about this. We feel bad that we feel bad. Many people have it worse than we do. We're not losing a job. We're not losing income thanks to Social Security and a still-thriving stock market that props up our IRAs. We're not front-line workers risking our lives in a hospital or a grocery store. We're just in a bad mood, feeling grumpy, because we can't get on with our lives. We feel stuck. Trapped.
Day after day is the same. "There's nothing to look forward to,," B complained. "We can't make any plans."
But we did acknowledge that when we feel frustrated and constrained, the temptation is to take it out on the people nearest and dearest to us -- spouses, family, friends. Yes, we've been snippy to each other -- not because of anything we've done, but just because we're feeling snippy. Dirty dishes in the sink have somehow become important. Clothes left on the floor used to be ignored; now they are annoying.
We have to consciously be aware that the problem is not with us. It's not the clothes or dishes. It's the situation. We remind ourselves not to turn against each other, or turn against ourselves. There's too much time to judge and criticize -- judge our family, criticize our friends, blame ourselves, demonize people on Facebook. Enmity breeds enmity.
We have to give everyone a break, including ourselves. I'm lucky to have B, and she's lucky to have me, even if we do occasionally get on each other's nerves now that we're spending so much time together -- and so little time with anyone else. We are lucky to have friends and family who show up on the other side of a Zoom meeting or Facebook call. We're lucky to have a comfortable home and plenty to eat and all the electronics to entertain us.
Of course there are problems in the world, as there always have been and always will be. But don't take them personally. Don't judge other people too harshly -- don't get down on yourself. We'll stay busy, even if it sometimes seems pointless. See friends when we can. Go for a walk. Go for a ride. Keep our eye on the horizon. Stay positive. We'll get through this.