Are You Losing Your . . .

     I just found out I passed my test for long-term care insurance, the one that includes the memory test to make sure I'm not on the verge of falling into the miasmic haze of Alzheimer's. That's a relief!

     (They also made sure that I wasn't HIV positive; and they gave me a drug test, too. These guys don't take anything for granted.)

     But I must admit, as I relayed on Are You Getting Alzheimer's? I was a little worried about the memory test. I never had a great memory to start with, and it hasn't gotten any better in recent years. How many times have I misplaced my wallet? How many times do I misremember the name of a store in town? How often have I pushed everything aside, looking for my glasses . . .  only to realize that they were propped up on top of my head?!? How much time have I lost wandering around the house looking for the remote control, or my coffee cup, or the book I'm reading?

     Anyway, I only got six out of ten questions right on the memory test. But apparently, that's enough to pass. So while my memory may not be the best, apparently it's not so bad as to disqualify me for insurance.

     I guess it's a good thing B signed up for her long-term-care insurance a few years ago. I honestly don't know if she'd pass the test today.

     Last week she called me from work. As soon as she'd walked in the door that morning, she told me, she'd gotten involved with some colleagues in an ongoing problem -- even before she'd had a chance to put down her purse and get settled into her desk. Then, at the end of the day, she got ready to go home. She reached into her purse, and her car keys were not there.

     Had she put them down somewhere when she arrived at work in the morning? She couldn't remember. She looked around her desk. She emptied her purse onto her desk and scoured through everything. She looked on the shelves in her room, and out in the lobby; at the copy machine and in the ladies room. She could not find her keys.

     So she'd had to call me to come and pick her up from work. Not a super big problem. She had an extra set of keys. We keep all our extra keys in a bowl by the front door. Only, when she got home, she went to look in the bowl . . . and her car keys were not there!

     We looked everyplace. The kitchen; the basement; the garage. She called her son, just in case he had the extra key. Nope. I drove her to work the next morning, and we both searched her car to see if either key was in the glove compartment or under a seat or in the trunk. No luck.

     Finally, B had her car towed up to the Ford dealer (fortunately, we have AAA so the tow was free), where they replaced her key. That was not at all free. There was the patch key, and the regular key, and an extra charge for the remote opener. I don't know how much she spent to replace her key -- she wouldn't tell me! -- but it was several hundred dollars.

     What could we do? We laughed about the whole ridiculous situation. We joked that her keys would no doubt surface the moment she got home with her new keys. But they didn't. We still haven't found those keys.

     But that's nothing. I play cards with a bunch of buddies once a month. Last Friday we all got together, and one of my friends told me how stupid he sometimes feels . . . sometimes, because this has happened more than once.

     He has an iPhone and a holder for it that attaches to his belt. So he's at work, walking down the hall, or coming out of the building, talking to his wife, or an associate on his iPhone. He looks down and suddenly realizes that his holder is empty. Oh crap, he says to himself. Where's my phone? Did I leave it behind on my desk? A few more swear words, kicking himself for losing his phone. When he suddenly realizes, the phone is in his hand! He's talking on the $#*#$*$ phone!

     Surely, you've never done anything as embarrassing as that, have you? But I still say, it's not because we're getting old. It's because life has become too complicated, and there's just too much stuff to keep track of!