Wednesday, February 27, 2013

10 Reasons Why Men Are Better Than Women


     We've read a lot lately about how women are working more; and even though they make less money than male colleagues at work, they often earn more than their spouses; yet they still run the household and take care of the kids. Women need a man as much as . . . what's the old saying, like a fish needs a bicycle?

       A new PBS special Makers: Women Who Make America chronicles the women's movement starting in the 1960s, up through the Anita Hill fiasco in the early 1990s. And a recent book The End of Men by Hanna Rosin argues that women are no longer gaining on men, they have pulled decisively ahead -- they do better in school, they get more graduate degrees, they earn more money, they live longer than men. In short, women are taking over the world.

   Well, I've been around the block a few times and know something about gender. And I'm here to say: Not so fast!

     Men are still better than women in many important categories and endeavors of life. Let me count the ways:

     1) Men can reach the top shelf. And not just in the kitchen. They can reach up there in the garage, the basement, even in your clothes closet.

     2) Men can unscrew a new jar of jelly or olives or any other jar from the grocery store that is screwed down so tight it takes a real -- shall I say it? -- man to open the damn thing.

     3) Men offer a lot of advice -- all for free.

     4)  Men know how to gamble. I'm not saying they know how to win, just that they know how to gamble.

     5)  Men have incredible focus and an unbelievable attention span. I mean, have you ever tried to watch a baseball game, or a golf match, all the way through? They can play a violent video game for 6 or 8 hours, without stopping.

     6)  Men have an understated but always-appreciated social skill involving -- as my friend Joe the golfer likes to say -- the ability to "grace you with the gift of their absence," especially on a Saturday or Sunday during golf season.

     7)  Men can fix things. Well, some men can fix things. Other men try to fix things, then after they break them, they know how to call in the expert. Either way, they care of the mechanical things in your life.

     8) As politicians prove over and over again, men can yell louder than women, they can interrupt more often, and they have the ability to completely ignore what that the other person is saying.

     9) Men do yard work . . . at least, as long as they can use some kind of heavy machinery.

     10) Men have a sense of humor. Seriously, in a study of 1,200 cases of public speaking, neither males nor females laughed as much with female speakers as they did with male speakers, explaining, said the study, the paucity of female comedians. Another study of personal ads showed that men offered "sense of humor" as a dating virtue, while women requested laughter more than twice as often as they offered it. Women couldn't care less whether their ideal mate laughs or not -- they want a male who makes them laugh.

     And if you're not laughing by now, I guess that explains why I couldn't get a date in high school!

19 comments:

Joanne Noragon said...

I'll give you 9 beyond question.

Retired Syd said...

Well, you have a blog that makes me laugh and I have a man in my house that makes me laugh, so I think you might just have a point (although I tend to open the jars in my house.)

Woman Seeking Center said...

And don't forget "spiders and mice" for your "men do better" list! :-) Men don't seem to be freaked out by the presence of (or the requested removal)of either of these....

I'll open any jar happily (with the aid of a knife handle) but spider or mouse? Oh I'd SO rather not, lol

Issy

MerCyn said...

Can I add a couple more?
Men can carry heavy garbage cans to the street.
Men can venture outside and retrieve the newspaper in cold, snowy, rainy, weather.
great post.

Rose ~ from Oz said...

I need 7 and 9 soooo bad - please!

Tom Sightings said...

Uh oh, I have a confession to make: B takes out the garbage in our house (altho' I do the recycling). And I, too, am scared of mice!

Douglas said...

I readily admit that we men need women much more than they need us. If there were no women, restaurants would be overcrowded and staffed by surly guys with their (probably unwashed) thumbs in your food because few of us want to be bothered with cooking. And who would do the grocery shopping? Sure, women won't change the oil in the car but I stopped doing that years ago. I see plenty of women who mow their lawns but I still can't convince Faye she should even try it.
I like women. They smell better, they don't hog the remote, they feed us, they nurse us when we are sick, and... best of all... they tolerate us.

Well stated, Tom, as usual.

Linda Myers said...

All true, Tom. Well said!

June said...

Not to mention . . . men still fall for the "I don't think I can do that and you're so good at it!" ploy.
*evil smirk*

Olga said...

Step ladders, jar opener gadgets (work really well), Angie's List...I'm just saying...

Kathleen McCoy said...

I love it, Tom! You're so right! I laughed and read this to my husband and he is smiling, too!

#1Nana said...

Gee, after reading the list I realize that I don't need a man at all. The spouse should be worried!

schmidleysscribblins,wordpress.com said...

Men also commit 90 per cent of all murders and 90 percent of victims are women.

David can still do #2...sort of.

Dianne

Tom Sightings said...

Whoa, I didn't mean to go there. But actually, I looked it up, and it's true, men commit 90% of murders. However, by and large they kill other men. Only 20% of victims are women.

Galen Pearl said...

You must have blossomed since high school, because this made me laugh!

Anonymous said...

Thanks for the laughs, Tom. It took 13 years of living alone (following our first 19 years of marriage) to learn; but, my husband does the laundry/ironing, runs the vacuum on the carpeting, does the grocery shopping (from my list - with many misadventures), mows the lawn (all other yard work is my province) and rolls the recycle & trash bins to the curb. I'm now married to the new, improved man - whose greatest strength is his strength of character.
Cop Car

schmidleysscribblins,wordpress.com said...

I hate to disabuse you...but I can do all those things too. I also drop a lot of things and David helps me clean it up. He's a pretty good guy. I think Rosin is a dope. Dianne

PS you forgot the thing men do best.

Anonymous said...

This is hilarious, there are lots of case where these reasons are f***ed up , some women are taller and strong than some men and I would carry on but there is so much wrong with this list, hahaha me ROFL

Anonymous said...

the 1 reason
1 REASON
that men are better than women
is that women are the ones that started the hole man vs woman thing