Friday, June 26, 2015

Getting Married

     B and I have four children between us. Tomorrow, the first of them, her younger son, is getting married. At age 23, he is the youngest of the four.

     That seems a little young to me, in this day and age, but he and his bride seem mature for their age, and well suited for one another. They grew up together, went to the same high school, and started going out together when they were freshmen in college. She transferred after her freshman year, in order to be closer to him, and now they've been living together for almost two years.

     Some people balk at the idea of two people living together before they get married. But B and I are hardly ones to object, since we have been living together for eight years without benefit of marriage.

     But, for us, there is no benefit of marriage. At least not financially. Neither one of us needs to piggyback on the other's medical insurance; and we'd have to pay more in taxes if we got married. We won't be having any more kids; so we don't need to make it official for that reason. In fact, if we were to get married it might just complicate things for our kids.

     But B and I might get married anyway . . . eventually. Even though we're not raising a family, there's still something appealing about marriage, making the relationship official, for all the world to see.

    Anyway, we're going off to watch our little boy (well, not my little boy, but I've known him since he was in 8th grade) march down the aisle.

     They're doing it up pretty big -- with a minister, at a fancy wedding venue, expensive rings, with a rehearsal and rehearsal dinner and roughly 150 friends and family at the wedding. Flowers, professional photographer, gift bags, bachelor and bachelorette parties. All the women in the wedding bought a new dress for the occasion, and they are going together to get their nails, hair and makeup done.

     It seems a bit over the top to me. But then, I got married in 1973 in a little church in the country with about 15 guests, and my bride wore flowers in her hair and we all went out to lunch afterwards. We were together for 28 years, raised two great kids, and had a pretty good run.

     So if that simple little ceremony was good for 28 years, then B's son and his bride will be married forever.


Debbie V. said...

Sounds like your stepson is on the right track.
Speaking of you - what about Soc Sec survivor benefits for B?

DJan said...

My hubby and I met when we were fifty and got married when we were 52. He didn't want to do it, but I insisted. It's been a good thing in many ways, and all he did is jump out of airplanes together to mark the occasion. I got myself a new jumpsuit, which I called my "wedding dress." :-)

Anonymous said...

I like being a Mrs.
Marriage can be fun if you have common interests and values.

Wisewebwoman said...

Interesting about the advil and aspirin, who'd a thunk it?

Enjoy the wedding. Who are we to say what's young and what's old?

I knew one mature couple who lasted a year at the wedding biz - they'd been together for 10 years and made it legal and it didn't last.

My best friends couple up the road were married at 17 (pregnant) and have lasted 45 years and are the happiest couple I know. They literally adore each other.

The longer I live the less I know :)


Linda Myers said...

My husband and I lived together for five years before marrying at 49 and 54. It was too complicated financially otherwise. We formed a trust to handle the kid stuff. Works for us.

Anonymous said...

My life is like a Woody Allen film.....My yougest and unmarried son turned 50 last week. David's second oldest grandson (age 24), was married in May this year. His brother, two years older, is on marriage #2.

My daughter Connie says none of her daughters, ages 21 to 28, will ever marry.

#1 has gone from a
1/ Egyptian descent refugee boyfriend; 2/ to fundalmentalist Christian Virginia boy friend; 3/ to an illegal alien from Mexico; 4/ to a Communist live-in boyfriend from England. She says she will never marry.

#2 says she will marry but can't settle on one boy or another (boyfriend number 1 is about to deploy to Yeman and she has reconnected with her high school sweetheart);

#3 granddaughter is Lesbian; and

# 4prefers cows. The rest of the grand kids are under 16.

Hope you had a good time at the wedding.........

Janette said...

My neighbors never married. They have been together for over 30 years.
She was a gold star wife and would lose all of her benefits if they married. It works for them.
Three out of the five of my family are married, one is widowed (after a long seperation), one divorced. My sis and her hubby have been married the longest. They were the youngest, 18. They are also the most successful in love and money.
My mom has ten grands. Four are married, one has been living with her man for ten years, the rest are young.
I hope marriage will become less of a show and more of a commitment.
Still, I hope you enjoy the show. Being a part of a wedding drives me crazy.

Olga Hebert said...

Interesting way to predict the length of a marriage. I haven't seen it actually work that way. In fact it has always seemed to me that quite the opposite, something about setting up false expectations of what married life is all about. However, it has been awhile since I have been to a wedding. A nephew's is coming up this summer and I have to say I have never even been to a formal wedding as theirs is going to be.

Stephen Hayes said...

Congratulation and good luck to the bride and groom. I've been happily married for 42 years.

Janis said...

My husband and I were together 13 years (lived together for about 10 years) before we got married. I was 47, he was 49. My first, his second, no kids. I remember people asking us if anything was different now that we were married. Although outwardly nothing was too different, both of us felt a profound change in the way we viewed our relationship. There is just something about the commitment made to each other in front of our family and friends that makes things feel more solid to us. Besides, it's a great excuse for a fun party.

Anonymous said...

After nearly 42 years there would be no living together before our marriage he lived in Colorado me in Oregon! His mother and father never divorced but his dad produced 9 kids he never supported his wife or the kids, so my husband was the one to work like hell to support his siblings I think are criminals in making all but one who is developmentally delayed and a sister who married at 18 to get on with her life and not have to support her siblings who in my opinion are all bums..When his Mom died no one had one damn penny nothing, I paid for the cremation with my brand new Visa card, married many years no Visa I paid it off quickly when his dad dies first in 1984 he actually left money for anything we needed to do, can you imagine a man who never put a dime towards his wife and his kids left money in a bible for his aftercare..I think if one wants to live with someone it is a personal choice just not for me and my hubs, both my side and my hubs sides they have kids no marriages or marriages and lots of divorces so it does not matter if one shacks up..The rulling on same sex marriage is great hope if their are divorces that the kids in those marriages are well taken care of! I lost my Mom early in life my dad went to pieces never saw him much ever again, lived in foster homes, oh, my goodness sakes life is precious why be mean and hateful at all..It is a personal choice indeed. we are happy and peaceful and our only is nearly 38 and not married waiting to meet someone like her dad and she said most men are like used cars, sitting on the curb and they don't work! Ha!

Anonymous said...

Amazing the number of NY live together couples I know who got married after 9/11 -

Barbara said...

I had a simple wedding likes yours and I never was sorry but I say, if you want one, and you can afford it, go for whatever makes you happy. I was very happy small, but that's just me.

benilhalk said...

What an interesting story! But I think there is not any grand feeling compared to getting married. Pretty soon I am also going to get married with my best friend. Currently we both are looking for some medium sized venues in San Francisco for this reception party. Can you please help?

Anonymous said...

Great post!) I was reading this article with pleasure!) Unfortunately, I know that many people can't handle any marriage. I read about it on and it's a pity... Maybe if they read this post they would change their view attitude to marriage! Good luck.