The Eternal Quest

     Last week at Chautauqua I learned, from British religion writer Karen Armstrong, about the four fundamental instincts that drive human beings. She called them the 4 Fs. There is fear. Then there's the instinct to fight. The necessity of food. And the last one, she said, is  . . . reproduction.

     Along somewhat similar lines, B and I visited my daughter recently, which occasioned B to ask how my daughter's mother was doing these days. Her mother, my ex-wife, moved down south after we got divorced. She had some family in Georgia, and actually, now, both of her brothers are living in the same general vicinity, so they're all kind of together now.

     My ex-wife's twin brother also got divorced a couple of years ago. Then, last year he retired. He doesn't have any kids, so he's living on his own. He recently decided to move to a smaller home closer in to Atlanta.

     Meanwhile, my ex is also on her own. When she first moved to Georgia, she bought a multi-acre spread out in the country so she could have horses and other animals. But now she's older, and she too has decided to move into a smaller house nearer to Atlanta, in part to be closer to her twin brother, as well as her other brother and her nephew, who both live in the Atlanta area.

     Now my ex-wife is not exactly flush with cash. I don't know the particulars; but I'm pretty sure she's spent down quite a bit of the money she had when we split up, almost 15 years ago. I know she was working for a while; but I also know she hasn't  worked at all for the last few years. Whether she planned it this way or not, she's retired now.

     I also know my ex brother-in-law had a pretty decent career, and retired with some kind of pension; but even so, the divorce must have eaten into his savings, and now he too is on a fixed income.

     So what I suggested -- half in jest; but half seriously, too -- was that my ex-wife and her twin brother, instead of each buying their own house, buy a house together. After all, they're both moving; they're both going to Atlanta. Neither one has a lot of extra money; both are single. They could help each other out financially; provide companionship; and support each other in many ways.

     My ex-wife dismissed the idea out of hand. Live with my brother? Are you kidding!?!

     But as I was telling B, they're both now in their late 60s. My ex-wife did have a boyfriend for a while; but they split up a couple of years ago, and I can't imagine she's going to get together with another guy at this point in her life. And her brother . . . he'd had a few girlfriends when he was younger, but he never got married until he was well into his 40s; and then the marriage really didn't go all that well. I can't imagine he's going to be interested in a serious girlfriend at this stage of the game.

     At which point B looked at me. "Well," she said, "I think you're probably right about your ex-wife. I mean, women, at a certain point, kind of wash their hands of the whole thing, and say to themselves, 'Okay, I've had enough of that.'

     "But men," she continued, wryly. "Men . . . they never give up."

     I didn't quite know what to make of that comment. So all I did was smile and say, "Well, on behalf of men everywhere, thanks for the compliment!"

     But I don't think she meant it that way.