Would You Call It . . . Autobation?

     We had a couple of young males staying at the house with us over Christmas vacation, and I have to say, it was extremely discouraging to observe them salivating and drooling over TV shows like "Top Gear" that celebrate sports cars and fast rides. Not to mention playing aggressive video games like "Need for Speed -- Hot Pursuit."

Does a sports car make you hot?

     In their view, high speed is really hot. A big powerful motor under the hood is sexy. A car brand that sounds animalistic and aggressive engenders heavy breathing. The boys get flushed in the face when they see a Jaguar (which averages 18 mpg), or a Mustang (19 mpg). And they get positively orgasmic when they encounter something foreign and exotic, like a Ferrari (12 mpg) or Maserati (15 mpg).

     In other words, they're just like I was when I was in my 20s. But have we learned nothing?

     How are we going to solve the global warming problem, and our addiction to foreign oil, as long as our young men think it's really hot to drive 90 m.p.h. in cars that get less than 20 miles to a gallon of gas?

How about a big car?

     There should instead be a TV program that glorifies hypermiling -- the art of getting as many miles to the gallon as possible. A lot of it involves driving with simple common sense. Hypermilers always go the speed limit, or less. They don't rush up to red lights then jam on the brakes. Instead, they scope out the horizon for traffic lights and time their arrival to when they're green, often coasting the last quarter mile or so. They never step on the gas for jack rabbit starts; and you won't find them weaving in and out of traffic -- they're trundling along in the right lane at 50 m.p.h.

     Hypermilers, for the most part, are very safe drivers. Sometimes they can be annoying. But whatever they are, they are not considered hot.

    But to change behavior, first we have to change values. We need to teach our sons that it's not sexy to drive a fast car. It does not enhance your manhood to have a throbbing, pulsating motor rumbling under your hood. Or to pilot a car that's half as big as a house. A real man is, instead, the kind of responsible driver who gets 30 mpg. The higher your mpg, the sexier you are!.

The sexy Ford Fusion

     Women have a responsibility as well. We must teach our daughters not to eye the guy in the red sports car, giving him flirtatious flips of their hair. They shouldn't be ooohing and aaahing over a guy's big, powerful SUV. And women can no longer covet an SUV for themselves -- like the Suburban (15 mpg) or the Armada (14 mpg) -- because they think it's a safer way to drive around town with their precious kids. It's just as safe, if not safer, to ferry the kids in a Honda Accord (27 mpg) or a Ford Fusion (38 mpg). Both have achieved 5-star safety ratings.

The even sexier Prius

         And that guy in the Prius (50 mpg)? Is he
      obeying the speed limit? Going 55 mph in the
      right hand lane? Omg! Is he a hypermiler?
      Yowza . . . he's a hot one!